Last night, as I took the train home, I was the captive audience of two women who were complaining about their dating lives in San Francisco. One was bemoaning how men in San Francisco are "rude" and "don't know how to treat a girl," while the other talked about how there was nobody who "could even come close to Dave." Whoever this Dave is, he must be pretty amazing.
This got me thinking: Why is it that you (an intelligent, attractive and perfectly nice, yet single, girl) can't find a happy relationship? I believe there are seven people to blame:
Your Crush. Every single girl has this guy in her life. Maybe it's a close friend, someone at work, your yoga teacher or your dentist. He's the one you've swooned over for years and compare every other guy to. Here's the real deal, though. If you've known him for over a year and he's never tried to get with you, it's because he doesn't want to. It's time to get over it. While you're saving yourself for your crush, he's out there living his life -- and you're wasting your time.
Your Ex. There's nothing worse you can do than "sort of" break up with someone. You're either together or you're not. As a general rule, I believe in clean breaks. If you're no longer dating, you should no longer be talking to each other -- let alone seeing each other. The unknown will always be scarier than what you do know. By holding on to a broken relationship, you're keeping yourself from getting out there and meeting someone who is truly perfect for you.
Kate Hudson. Don't get me wrong. Kate Hudson is my girl crush, and I love every single one of her movies. Nobody can sell a love story like she can... and that's the problem. If you find yourself believing that love isn't real until it's like a movie, get ready for a very rough road. Healthy relationships rarely start with drama, and they certainly don't end in tidy happily-ever-afters. So, if you look at your dating life and see that Kate Hudson should be cast as you, it's time to rewrite your script.
Your Father... or anyone else who may have taught you to believe that being loved means being babied and spoiled. If you think you deserve to be treated like a princess or if you expect men to provide gifts, attention and/or emotional support that you can't return, then you need a daddy, not a boyfriend. Relationships are about partnership and equality, and your potential partner deserves a woman, not a child.
Your Gay Best Friend. There are few relationships in your life that will be more rewarding than the one you share with your gay best friend. If you have one, then he's probably the best date you'll ever have. And herein lies the problem. No new, straight guy in your life will ever stand a chance. So, just be sure you aren't using your friend as a crutch and that you're open to new men coming into your life. Trust me, your GBF is doing the same.
Your Boss. As much as I hate to admit it, for about seven years, my former boss was the most important person in my life. No matter where I was, who I was with or what I was doing, I took his calls. If he needed me to work on a weekend, I cancelled my plans and went. As a result, I had a bunch of lackluster relationships with men who had the same skewed priorities as I did. It wasn't until I left that job and reclaimed my own balance that I was able to enjoy a relationship where we put each other first. Yes, your job is a priority, but nothing is more important than finding your own happiness.
Yourself. More often than not, women are single because of some fear they are holding on to. Maybe it's the fear of posting a profile online that causes you to deprive yourself of the ability to meet hundreds of great men. Or it's the fear of leaving a bad relationship behind. Maybe you're afraid to prioritize yourself over your work or you're afraid of being rejected. Dating is a painful process. It forces you to face truths about yourself while you evaluate others. It's guaranteed to leave you feeling rejected at times or cause you to hurt someone else. The reality is that searching for true love is often a process, but it shouldn't be avoided. It's the only way to truly learn about yourself and what you need in a partner. So, leave the fear behind and go on a bunch of dates. When you meet "the one," the only person you'll have to thank is yourself!
I'm proud to represent an area of Long Island that has been the location for many famous movies and TV shows, including Citizen Kane, Annie Hall, and the hit television series, Boardwalk Empire. It's even the setting for The Great Gatsby. Shamefully, it's also now the location for a show whose characters are disgraceful, misleading, and fuel anti-Semitic stereotypes: Princesses: Long Island.
Full disclosure: I kind of enjoy reality TV. Storage Wars and Pawn Stars are among my guilty pleasures. So the idea of watching a reality show taking place in my own backyard wasn't so far-fetched. I knew little about the show before sitting down to watch the season premiere.
Much to my dismay, the characters on the show spewed gross generalizations about the living and dating habits of unmarried Jewish women. And the stereotyping didn't stop there. In the latest episode, the characters get together for a Shabbat dinner, an important tradition in the Jewish faith and culture. As a Jew, I can say with confidence that this dinner was exactly the opposite of what the sacred Sabbath dinner is supposed to be. But for those watching unfamiliar with the holy meaning of the Jewish Sabbath, it is shown in the worst way possible, with excessive drinking and fighting.
The characters do not shy away from any Jewish stereotypes and portray both Jews and Long Islanders in the most unflattering light possible. Yes, I know this is reality TV, but it's still unacceptable.
Jews have spent thousands of years trying to dispel stereotypes. We've been repeatedly prosecuted by groups that hate based on falsities and gross generalizations. I've worked my whole life to combat this type of hatred. And I'm the product of grandparents who came to this country to escape the Pogroms of Russia and the hatred they faced simply because of their religion.
Therefore, I will not silently tolerate a show that paints Jewish women on Long Island with all-too-familiar and painful stereotypes -- money-hungry, superficial, Jewish-American Princesses. The characters on the show are welcome to live their lives however they may choose, but I don't want viewers of the show to think that they are, in any way, representative of Jews of Long Islanders.
I, for one, will not be spending my Sunday night watching Princesses: Long Island. Viewers should know that the show portrays the lives of the characters and is in no way representative of a religion, culture or geographic area. I hope that others will join me in deciding that this show is not the type of TV we should be supporting.
House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) told reporters the GOP's abortion ban that passed the House 228-196 on Tuesday won't change the party's relationship with women. He says the bill is "extremely popular across party and gender lines." He's half right. It won't change the party's relationship with women, because women already hate the GOP. As for abortion bans being "extremely popular" across party and gender lines, the most charitable interpretation is that Boehner is delusional.
It's ironic that the Speaker's statement was made on the same day Gallup released the latest poll on the GOP's favorability -- only 39 percent of the country approves. The party hasn't sunk this low since May of 2010. Gallup didn't report on the gender breakdown, but it's a sure bet women are more negative than men.
Women have been ditching the Republicans for years. They're significantly more likely than men to identify as Democrats, and less likely to identify as Independents. And it's not just young women who have the most to lose with the GOP jihad against abortion and birth control. The party-identification gender gap is evident across all ages, from 18 to 85, and within all major racial, ethnic, and marital-status segments of society.
The newest attack on women does not come in a vacuum. In addition to this latest federal bill banning almost all abortions after 20 weeks (a direct challenge to Roe v. Wade which allows abortion until fetal viability), the party has been very busy with even more punitive bans at the state level. Eleven laws similar to the House bill have been enacted since 2010. In 2011-2012, 135 new laws limiting abortion went into effect.
House Republicans are also pushing for gigantic cuts to food stamps. Hello? Women and children are the major recipients of food stamps. Over in the Senate, the Republican tea partiers are trying to torpedo immigration reform, leaving families torn across borders and kids in foster care because their moms have been deported. This despite the shellacking the party took from Hispanic women in the last election, when 74 percent voted for Obama.
As for positive steps for women, the GOP refuses to take any. Paid sick leave is a huge issue for women, particularly those on the lowest income rungs. But the party says it would cost business too much. State Republican majorities have gone so far as to outlaw paid sick leave when cities and counties pass it. And speaking of low incomes, when is the last time you heard a Republican speak up for raising the minimum wage (mostly adult women workers) or passing the Fair Pay Act?
All of this is to say John Boehner is right. The latest assault on women's rights won't change women's opinion of the party. You heard it from their leader first.
Listen to Martha Burk's audio blogs here:
Note: Do not read on if you have not yet seen Season 4, Episode 2 of ABC Family's "Pretty Little Liars," titled "Turn of the Shoe."
At The Brew, which now serves crudité, mozzarella sticks and french fries, apparently, the girls are trying to figure out with the woman with the lace veil was at Wilden's funeral; Aria is worried about what Officer Mumblesalot Holbrook knows since their prints are all over Wilden's car; Spencer's building a map of the now burn-to-a-crisp cabin out of aforementioned snacks (because God forbid they eat it); and Hanna's still stuck on the fact that "Ali" saved her life. ("We never saw a body," she reminds the ever-incredulous Aria.)
MonA arrives late for the PLL pow-wow, but Hanna wishes she hadn't come at all since she's convinced MonA's the one that put her mom's phone in Wilden's casket. But the artist formerly known as A assures them it wasn't her -- she's being honest this time. Don't believe her? Go out there and search that RV for yourselves, bitches.
The girls all take a ride to the desolate area that Hanna and MonA parked and locked up the RV. But Emily isn't really sure she likes this idea. "I'm just saying, I don't even know what we're supposed to be looking for," she tells Spencer. No one does, Em. No one does.
When MonA unlocks the gates, the RV is mysteriously missing. "Somebody stole it," she says. "That somebody wasn't me," she shouts desperately as the girls storm off, unconvinced.
Hanna and Spencer get in their car and drive away, while Aria and Em stay back to watch MonA get in her car for some unbeknownst reason. Perhaps Aria is "so Raven" because when MonA doesn't start to drive away immediately, Aria realizes something is amiss. Sure enough, a mAsked figure is choking MonA from the back seat of her car. She finally knocks A out with a flashlight and rolls out of the car door. As Aria and Em run over to her, A does a U-ey and puts his/her petal to the metal, heading straight for the girls. Emily dives to protect the Littlest Little Liars (success) and slams her shoulder on a rock as she tries to get out of the way (fail).
The next day, Hanna comes downstairs -- in slippers, Spencer's old polo and a silky skirt that makes no sense for the rest of the outfit or Hanna in general -- to find her mom rummaging through their refrigerator, throwing things away, of course. Hanna asks her how New York was, but Ashley "didn't see much of it," being stuck in a windowless conference room and all.
When Ashley asks about the funeral, Hanna worries her mom thinks she had something to do with Wilden's murder. Ashley assures her the thought never crossed her mind. "I think that Detective Wilden had more enemies than friends and I think one of those people decided to do us all a favor," Ashley says.
When Hanna alerts her that she lost her cell, Ashley looks stunned. "Where did you find that?" she asks suspiciously. Hanna tells her it was in the mailbox. Lie. Ashley explains she must've left it at the front desk while checking out of the hotel and they messengered it back. Lie. And Hanna knows it.
Over at the Parentless Hastings Household, Spencer -- who's really looking like her old self again -- rummages through the mail and sees something from the University of Pennsylvania. It's a little envelope so she should know what that means (though don't colleges do this all on the Internet these days?), but she opens it and gets the bad news that she's been rejected. What did she expect? Girl's been too busy dealing with being blackmailed, getting backstabbed and being institutionalized to focus on her studies. Still, I feel you, Spence.
Me: "Oh noo! Spencer got rejected from Penn. Just like me."
Mom: "You, Spencer and a gazillion others."
She makes me feel so special. Anyway, Hanna starts freaking out to Aria about A framing her mom for murder. She wonders who it could be: Melissa? Jenna? Shana? Conveniently, the final option is sitting right behind her at The Brew. Han walks right up to Shana and confronts her about her "gal-pal" JEN-NA. Han straight up accuses Shana and JEN-NA of murdering Wilden since the former didn't even bother coming to funeral (she claims she had swim practice). Aria eventually convinces Hanna to simmer down -- she slowly walks away, backwards, with a head shake, as if to say, "Come at me, bro!"
Over at Rosewood High, Paige is in an empty classroom, creating a model of her and Emily's future dorm room with some sort of Sims-like online interior design program. A) No one gets to design their own dorm room. B) They do not look like that. C) Two twin extra long beds? Dream bigger, Paige. When Emily makes a joke about C) (atta girl), Paige wraps her arms around her and hurts Em's badly bruised shoulder. Em attempts to dismiss her agony by saying she slept weird and diverting Paige's attention to puffy drapes.
Back at the PHH, Spencer is hiding her Penn rejection letter amongst her books when TobAy storms in and he is in a seriously foul mood. Spencer, who we now see is wearing a sweater with a horse on (Ol' Spence really is back!), tells TobAy what happened, but he doesn't seem surprised. "Why does this not seem like breaking news to you?" she asks. "Because I have to go," a jittery, stern, nonsensical TobAy replies. Poor, Spencer. On the bright side, this means we won't have to watch any nauseating Spoby breakfast scenes this week.
Mom: "I feel like they are talking soo fast and jumping around to make it all over the place -- Toby popping with the mystery call, Paige and virtual designing, the rejection letter, and can we talk about Melissa doing an internship??? Is she in college?"
At school, Mr. Fitz is making "doomed romance" jokes in a class full of Spencer, Hanna, Emily, MonA and, of course, Aria. Classy guy. Spence stays back when the bell rings and after the classroom has emptied, she comes clean about her Penn rejection to Fitz. "I'll be the first one not to go," she tearily tells Mr. Fitz, who promises not to tell her family or friends. He offers to help her write her essays for her next batch of college applications. "Maybe we can work on it over the weekend," he says creepily, assuring her that "it's their loss." I really hope we are not going down this road.
Mom: "Why didn't she get wait listed?"
Me: "BECAUSE SHE HASN'T STUDIED IN TWO YEARS."
Mom: "Hahaha. So true! What time of year is this in Rosewood?"
Me: "Perpetually fall, duh."
Mom: "Real life she would hear from the school early December. Why doesn't Spencer have a private college counselor?"
Back home, Em is panicking about her shoulder with a swim meet on the horizon and only one spot left on the Stanford swim team. She finds a solution: a shit-ton of pain pills. Meanwhile, Hanna's got her own issues: She's just found a bag with her mom's silk Manolo Blahniks ... her very muddy silk Manolos, to be precise. Either Hanna's in denial or she really is dumb, wondering how heels could get so muddy in Manhatthan.
Aria is worried that A is trying to pick off the little ones in the PLL pack and she's determined to defend herself. She stops by a karate studio and meets instructor Jake ("Step Up Revolution" star Ryan Guzman), who agrees to give her a private lesson tomorrow a.m. Subtle.
Back at Hanna's later that night, the Blondest Little Liar is trying to do her homework for Mr. Fitz's class and struggling because "the last book [she] finished was 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar.'" When Ashley comes in, she inquires about the muddy Manolos. "How'd they get so trashed? Did you go on a hike through New York?" she asks, leading Ashley to jump down her throat. She's really not good at playing this cool.
Mom: "Geez, Ashley. You dragged your kid into this mess with Wilden and now you are pulling the mother card? No. Not OK, Ashley."
The next day, Hanna stops by Spencer's to discuss Operation: Muddy Manolos, but she isn't home and Mrs. DiLaurentis, who my mom says is "way too chipper," invites her over to her garden instead. As they chat roses, Hanna hears a voice and Mrs. D introduces her to Tippi, her late mother-in-law's parrot. "Careful what you say around her," she warns. "It might come back to haunt you." Turns out, Ali and Tippi shared a room when she stayed with her grandma in Georgia.
Hanna asks about the day Ali's body was found (still convinced no one's actually identified it), leading Mrs. D to have a flashback to one of the tensest conversations about a sleepover and Greek salad in all of history. When Ali doesn't get what she wants -- a revealing top and permission to have Emily, Spencer, Aria Hanna sleep over their Cape May house without parents -- she holds her breath until Mrs. D gives in. She can clearly still breathe through her nose so I don't see this as a threat of any kind. Honestly, I didn't even realize what she was doing -- it looked like she was trying to put a spell on her mom, not not breathe. Truly, it was one of the more ridiculous scenes in this show's history. And that's saying a lot.
Back to the present, where, turns out, Ali never even invited the other girls down to Cape May -- she was actually looking to hang out with an "older crowd, probably a boy." Suddenly, Tippi starts singing a tune that sounds kind of like a ring tone. When Hanna asks Mrs. D about the song, she couldn't be less interested. In fact, she wants to get rid of Tippi altogether because she has enough voices in her head, apparently.
Over at the karate studio, Aria is having fun kicking ass -- in wedge sneakers -- and learning the art of Tang Soo Do from Jake, who asks her for her trust. "I'm small. People look at me as an easy target. It's the law of the universe, right?" she explains. "We can't defend ourselves until we feel safe in our own skin," he explains. Gotta love a man who uses the royal "we" when he clearly means "you." As the practice continues, Aria leans in for a kiss. Clearly, this girl struggles with student-teacher boundaries.
On her way home, she notices MonA chatting with the Rosewood po-po over at the police station. To prevent MonA from saying too much, she pulls up in front and says, "Hurry, we're late." When they get out of the eyesight of the police, Aria lays down the law with a very enunciated, "You can't be chatting up any cops in broad daylight, Mo-nA." She explains that she overheard the cops behind her talking bout finding Waldin's footprints from the night he died -- and he wasn't alone. There were marks from some very high heels in the mud as well, like the kind Ali liked to wear, MonA notes. Of course, they don't know about Mama Marin's very muddy Manolos yet.
At school, Em is downing more pain pills in the locker room pre-meet when Shana comes into for some pre-game smack talk about getting that spot at Stanford, which prompts Em to take an extra pill for good measure. As she approaches the wall in her race, her vision is blurred and her judgment's impaired. She hits her head on the side of pool, leaving her motionless and bleeding.
While Em may have just ruined her chances at Stanford, TobAy wants to make sure he doesn't ruin his with Spencer. At the PHH, he comes clean about moving the RV so that he could give it to A in exchange for something he wanted. As Spencer berates him, he throws down what he got in exchange for the hate-mobile: a transcript from the doctors at Radley of the night his mom killed himself. Spencer reads the emotional report that doesn't seem to describe a woman who later jumped out a window. "This place is covering something up and I need to know more," an emotional TobAy shouts before making her promise to keep this a secret when Aria shows up.
Mom: "Toby is a bad crier."
Me: "You mean actor?"
Mom: "Agreed. And he didn't care when Spencer cried her eyes out over him. I can't take him."
After Sparia discusses the karate kiss and MonA as a fetus, Hanna shows up with Tippi in tow. She's convinced the bird can help them find out more about Ali's mysterious misadventures in Georgia that summer. But Aria is still freaking out about the police. "You guys weren't wearing pumps. The footprints the police are looking for are high heels," Spencer reassures Aria, not realizing she's now sending Hanna into a state of panic.
When she gets home, Ashley's standing in the dark house, alone. Hanna asks her if she was really in New York that whole time or if she came back to "have it out with Wilden." Ashley knows her daughter is onto her. She's not stupid -- she finished all of a "The Very Hungry Caterpillar." "I did not kill Detective Wilden," she tells Hanna with a horrifying look in her eyes.
Back at the PHH, Tippi is driving Spencer mad while she tries to do research on TobAy's mom. As she dials Hanna again and again, hoping she'll remove Tippi from her house, she realizes the bird isn't singing a song -- he's imitating the touch tones of a phone number.
Mom: "Why did Hanna leave the bird with Spencer? Because she has no parents and lives alone?" Me: "And because she is the smartest."
Meanwhile, at the Parentless Montgomery Household, Aria still hasn't showered post-karate when the doorbell rings. It's Jake, who magically has her address! "I had a hunch that you might not be coming back," he says, adding that he doesn't want her to think he's not interested because he is. (Of course.) "Maybe you're not comfortable with the whole student-teacher thing. Could be complicated," he notes. "Ha! Aria wrote the book," my mom notes. Despite her previous experience, she asks him on a coffee date. (Of course.)
Back in the comfort of her home, Emily is finally conscious and she decides to come clean to Paige about her shoulder and the pills. Why didn't she tell Paige earlier? "Because I don't want to live in that space anymore. And I don't want you to live there either. I want to live in that room on your computer," Em tells her girlfriend, clearly unaware of the aforementioned A) and B) and the fact that one cannot live inside a computer."At least it would be safe in there," my mom notes.
Aria and Hanna are back with Spencer at the PHH and Spencer's correlated Tippi's tune with a phone number. But when they call, the girls get no answer. They head back upstairs to listen to Tippi one more time, but all that's left of her is a feather. Someone came through the window and took her.
With Hanna gone, Ashley takes a swig of her Ramona Pinot Grigio, along with the opportunity to get rid of the evidence. She wraps the shoes up in newspaper and throws them in a garbage bag as someone peers through the window. Ashley goes outside, into the darkness to throw out the shoes.
Mom: "She is going to throw the shoes in her trash can? Come on -- at least go down to The Brew or something."
As the credits roll, A prepares a lovely meal of rice, string beans and a bird. But worry not -- Tippi is alive and well, feeding on the piece of poultry A's feeding her. Cannibalism. This is a new level.
Mom: "I feel like the things that link Ashley to Wilden's murder are so obvious and like they went out of the way to make her look so suspicious and creepy."
Me: "I assume she murdered or helped murder him, but she's not A."
Mom: "True -- besides, A was eating so she definitely isn't A."
Quotes of the Night
"Speaking of freaks, where's Melissa?" -Emily
"With who? Satan?"- Hanna
"I didn't really get a good look at her. I was trying not to wet myself when that new cop made a beeline over for us." -Aria
"Oh, so now I'm the crazy one. Give me my mozzarella back." -Hanna
"Why didn't she land on Mona?" -Hanna
"Don't act like you haven't heard that name before. JEN-NA!" -Hanna
"I was going for cozy, but then it looked like cozy with one puffy drape away from 'Grey Gardens.'" -Paige
"Well, maybe you can wear a swimsuit with sleeves. I mean, I spent two summers at fat camp swimming in a parka." -Hanna
"Don't worry, sweetie. I don't think she taught her Hefty Hanna." -Mrs. D
"Stop talking to me like I'm a bucket of rocks." -Mona
"What you should be asking is what I overheard before you screeched up like Chicken Fricken' Little." -Mona
"This is Mona. She started lying when she was a fetus." -Aria
"Go back to the fetus." -Spencer
"I don't know. I guess 'cause I miss Ezra and I almost got killed last Thursday and he smells like cinnamon." -Aria
"Hey, board shorts. Miss me?" -Tippi
"You can't ignore me!" -Spencer
Let's face it: wedding-related stress can bring out the worst in any bride. Even women who normally pride themselves on their down-to-earth, cool-as-a-cucumber behavior have been known to go off the rails when things don't go according to plan.
We asked our brave (and honest!) readers to confess their biggest bridezilla sins. From a pain-in-the-butt bridesmaid to a tardy groom-to-be, it's clear what pushed these women over the edge. Scroll down for five real-life stories of brides behaving badly."My future husband leaves me at the beauty shop the day before the ceremony and ends up being late to come and get me. So after 2 1/2 hours at the salon, 20 minutes standing outside completely ruined my hair and I was LIVID. I was so furious I threw the rental car into park in the middle of the Las Vegas Strip and got out and walked about 1/2 a block before I got back into the car." - Jehan "My fiancé's friend got engaged a couple of months after he and I did. She started her planning and decided on a date a month before ours, which initially wasn't a big deal. Then she decided to use the same flower girl and ring bearer as we were. I was worried it would look like we were copying her on everything since her wedding was first. As it turned out, she got knocked up and opted for a courthouse wedding before the baby arrived. It all worked out for the best :-)" - Ami, 26, of Illinois "All my anger was piling up from several actions that led me to threaten my fiancé's sister with a punch to the face. She picked out a different bridesmaid dress from the one I originally liked and purchased it. Then she wanted to teach me how to 'dance.' But I already know how to dance -- I just don't dance like a stripper. Then she wanted to choreograph a dance for us, even though she is not a professional dancer. Then she texted me about how she thought gold or white shoes would look better with a plum dress than the black shoes I had asked everyone to wear (gold and white are not in my color scheme). Finally, I was fed up and told her to back off and her job as a bridesmaid was to support the bride, and NOT be in the spotlight. She didn't take that too well and then I told my fiancé I wanted to punch her in the face. I was sorry and embarrassed that I told him I wanted to punch his sister. But secretly, I still would like to pop her in the lip." - Toni, 26, of Texas "I discovered, via my sister, that my fiancé had added some items to one of our registries without asking me. I was horribly offended he put items on there without my approval and flipped out. I was grocery shopping at the time, but that didn't stop me from calling him in the middle of the store and cussing him out (for the first and only time ever!). Turns out he put some dishes on there so his mom could buy them for us and get a discount. She wanted to surprise me and the dishes are beautiful, so I just should have chilled." - Whitley, 24, of Kentucky "The only problem I have been having is with one of my bridesmaids. I asked one of the girls to be in my wedding and she hasn't contacted me and I have a month left. She hasn't bothered to text me if I need any help or if she could do anything. So two weeks before the wedding, she will no longer be in it." - Christine, 22, of California
Click through the slideshow below for five stories of totally out-of-control brides.
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Fresh off her landmark triumph at the French Open, Serena Williams is garnering attention for the wrong reasons.
The 31-year-old tennis star made insensitive remarks about the victim in the widely publicized Steubenville rape case that appear in an upcoming issue of Rolling Stone. During an interview with Rolling Stone contributor Stephen Rodrick, a television news segment prompted Williams to discuss the case involving the sexual assault of a 16-year-old girl by high school football players.
"Do you think it was fair, what they got? They did something stupid, but I don't know. I'm not blaming the girl, but if you're a 16-year-old and you're drunk like that, your parents should teach you: Don't take drinks from other people," Williams said to Rodrick. "She's 16, why was she that drunk where she doesn't remember? It could have been much worse. She's lucky. Obviously, I don't know, maybe she wasn't a virgin, but she shouldn't have put herself in that position, unless they slipped her something, then that's different."
After sharing her remarks on the Steubenville case, Rodrick noted that "Serena's Hannity-like take on the case isn't her only rightward lean." He attributed her "no-safety-net political philosophy" to her childhood in Compton.
CLICK HERE to read the entire piece at Rolling Stone
Deadspin excerpted the portion of the lengthy profile that contained Williams' Steubenville commentary on Tuesday, triggering a wave of backlash on social media directed at the 16-time Grand Slam champion.
Pro tip for @serenawilliams or others discussing rape: if "I'm not blaming the girl, but…" exits your mouth, stop there. There is no "but."— Jamil Smith (@JamilSmith) June 18, 2013
For the first time ever, I'm really disappointed in Serena Williams http://t.co/P4xWM0QyPe— Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) June 18, 2013
By your words, @serenawilliams, you aligned yourself with rapists today and crushed victims everywhere. I truly hope you right your wrong.— K. Potts (@afbwoman) June 18, 2013
We don't need women blaming the victim. Jesus. RT @bart_smith: Has Serena Williams lost her mind? http://t.co/4PTwoXQ9z2— Mark Ennis (@Mengus22) June 18, 2013
Serena Williams, you are a tennis goddess/badass. But victim-blaming the @Steubenville teen? NO. (warning: Jez link) http://t.co/vF8XA4eRKJ— ShelbyKnox (@ShelbyKnox) June 19, 2013
MORE FROM THE ASSOCIATED PRESS:
Serena Williams says in an interview with Rolling Stone magazine that, while not blaming the victim in the Steubenville rape case, "she shouldn't have put herself in that position."
The comment is made in one paragraph of a lengthy story posted online Tuesday about Williams, a 16-time Grand Slam title winner who is ranked No. 1 heading into Wimbledon, which starts next week.
Two players from the celebrated Steubenville, Ohio, high school football team were convicted in March of raping a drunken 16-year-old girl; one of the boys was ordered to serve an additional year for photographing the girl naked. The case gained widespread attention in part because of the callousness with which other students used social media to gossip about it.
According to the Rolling Stone story, Williams says the perpetrators of the crime "did something stupid," and she asks: "Do you think it was fair, what they got?"
She adds, "I'm not blaming the girl, but if you're a 16-year-old and you're drunk like that, your parents should teach you: Don't take drinks from other people."
And Williams also is quoted as saying: "... she shouldn't have put herself in that position, unless they slipped her something, then that's different."
Williams is in England preparing for Wimbledon.
Her agent, who also is in England, did not immediately respond to requests for comment Tuesday night.
Last week I packed up my suitcase, sublet my townhouse, wrapped up any loose ends, and hopped on a flight to the east coast to spend 10 weeks in my hometown, a suburb of New York City. I have now been in New Jersey for a week, yet it feels like it's easily been six months. Part of the reason I wanted to be a health coach was that I knew I would have more flexibility and would be able to basically work from anywhere, which appealed to me because all of my family members and most of my friends still live in the tri-state area. And it all came together in perfect timing, because my mother's health has been rapidly declining over the past year, and something inside me just knew it was time to head back to my hometown, my roots, and be with my family. I wrote a blog about it recently (you can visit it here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robin-hoffman/health-coaching_b_3385464.html) and what my intentions were/are for my time here this summer. People always say things like: "You can't ever prepare yourself," when it comes to facing an ill parent or family member. And I will say that I never fully understood what this meant until last week when I walked off the plane and into a situation that will forever change the core of who I am. Not just as a person, but as a soul -- and not just emotionally, but it will change the course of the rest of my life in a way I never knew was possible.
Caretaking is an interesting concept when it comes to a parent. Before becoming a health coach, I was a nanny for 10+ years for various families and for babies, toddlers, and children in various parts of the country. I wiped noses and made grilled cheese sandwiches and gave baths and put on Band-Aids and kissed boo-boos and read more bedtime stories than I can count. I cleaned up messes, ran loads of laundry and tied shoe after shoe on tiny little feet. But what I didn't know at the time was that all of that experience would come in handy for me, though not as a mother myself, but instead as caretaker for my own mother. I never would have imagined my life would end up this way. Not once in my wildest dreams did I think this would "happen to me." I watched friends lose parents to illness and I have read books about it and seen movies about it but it was the sort of thing that I figured just wouldn't happen to me. My mother was Wonder Woman -- she could move trucks and fight cancer and do 400 things at once all while making sure the cookies didn't burn in the oven. She moved mountains and made anything possible, never forgetting to add in magic to everything she did. And when she was diagnosed with cancer in 2006, she fought with all she had and she kicked it, going into remission three years ago. I thought the "worst" was behind us at that point, but I had no idea that it was really just the beginning of a truly long, emotional, heart-breaking and exhausting (at times) journey that would lead to the summer of my 30th year being devoted to taking care of my mother. The woman who "never needed help" and "had it all handled" -- much like how I view myself.
In the past week, I have had almost no time to myself at all. I left my very self-involved life in Los Angeles last Wednesday and haven't really looked back once, not because I don't miss it, but because I have been so focused on everything that is right in front of me. I look back to a week ago when my biggest issue was that a guy I liked wanted to date someone else, or a guy I went on a date with didn't text or call me back right away. For the past year I have gone through my own emotional stuff, but for the most part have spent my time going to yoga, exercising, drinking green juice, coaching clients, going for beach walks with my dog, and generally living a "luxurious" life. I didn't have a bigger perspective. I was a mouse running through a forest, only able to see what was directly in front of me. And now, now I feel like a hawk, soaring high above, able to see the bigger picture and beyond. And suddenly, all those little "problems" that I saw all over my life in LA do not really seem all that important to me. My days have been spent wearing a mask and latex gloves while disinfecting everything and anything. I got back from dinner the other night and started laughing when I realized it was 9 p.m. on a Sunday and I was in heels and a dress, on my hands and knees scrubbing the bathroom floor, wearing a mask. I laughed because this is so real. I laughed because sometimes I miss my luxurious life in Los Angeles where the only person I have to worry about is myself. I laughed because my mother is dying, and there isn't anything I can do about it except exactly what I am doing. And what I am doing is being present. I am here, as hard as it as and as much as I want to run back to the west coast (at times) I have made a commitment to be here, for her, for my family, for myself in a way that I have never experienced before.
I can't really say at this point that there is very much positivity in this situation, except for the fact that I now have a different perspective on what is truly "important" to me. Yes, I love all things health-related. I love yoga and green juice and discussing the importance of kale and chia seeds and meditation and cleansing. I love the work I do and my client sessions and singing my heart out at Kirtan. And it is all of these things that have helped me to become closer to myself and learn about myself and it is all of these things that make up who I am and how I live my life. But something I seem to have "forgotten" about during these 12 years I have lived on the other side of the country is my family. Not my close friends or my yoga guru or my Chinese doctor or my massage therapist. My family. The people who have known me since I was born and who have seen me through every stage and age possible. The people who love me inside and out and know what I am thinking without ever needing to ask. The people that I laugh so hard with that my sides hurt and I have tears streaming down my face.
And so I am here. I am tying shoes and helping with baths and putting on bandages and holding hands, but this time not with little kids, but instead with my own mother. I make scrambled eggs and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and make sure everything is handled -- and take care of myself when I can. There is no way I will walk away from this even feeling like the same person I was even a week ago. Maybe I needed this. Maybe I needed a shift in perspective to remember where I came from, how I was raised, and the values I had instilled in me at a very young age. I have loved my time on the west coast and as much as it has brought me closer to myself in many ways, in other ways it has created a large void and separation. And it feels like here, this summer, as I fall asleep ever night in my childhood bed in my pink room with the lace curtains and the hum of the crickets outside, I am merging my two lives. The 18 years I spent in New Jersey and the 12 years I have spent in California, merging together into one life -- the life that makes up me. And it's beautiful and challenging and emotional and wildly funny at times. And as I sat at dinner last night with my brother and sister-in-law and other family members, laughing and telling stories and just being together, I realized that even in all the hardship and sadness and exhausting days, there is no other place I'd rather be.
For more by Robin Hoffman, click here.
For more on caregiving, click here.
While speaking on the House of Representatives floor Tuesday during debate on the 20-week abortion ban, Rep. Gwen Moore (D-Wis.) said Miss Utah Marisa Powell may have been on to something with her fumbled answer on income inequality.
Speaking out against the Republican-backed abortion measure, Moore said that Miss Utah, by "alluding to the power dynamics between men and women in the workplace," had identified an important issue.
'The House GOP has truly pushed the limits this time by offering this unconstitutional bill," Moore said. "However inarticulate, I think Miss Utah was on to something. When you consider the subject at hand, women's right to a medically safe abortion, we once again see men taking leadership roles in invading the privacy and medical decisions of women."
Moore continued, "Perhaps if we could 'create education better' of the importance of women's lives, we would not be here with this bill before us. This bill is an abomination plain and simple. At its foundation, at its heart, is utter disrespect for the dignity and health of women."
The House bill, which would prohibit women from having abortions 20 weeks after conception, passed by a vote of 228 to 196.
During Sunday's Miss USA pageant, Powell was asked about a recent report on income inequality.
“I think we can relate this back to education and how we are continuing to try to strive to … figure out how to create jobs right now and that is the biggest problem. Especially the men are um, seen as the leaders of this and so we need to figure out how to create education better so that we can solve this problem,” Powell said in a much-mocked response.
After attending the Oscars as a nominee two years in a row, Jessica Chastain is used to all the press. But one thing she's not comfortable talking about with reporters is her personal life.
"I'm so private ... Sometimes when someone asks me about my dating status, I get really quiet about that because I want to protect it," Chastain told E! during the Maui Film Festival where she received the Nova Award. "When I'm engaged someday -- who knows to who -- I'll probably be more open about it."
The 36-year-old actress, who is dating Italian fashion executive Gian Luca Passi de Preposulo, further revealed why she has decided not to go into detail when discussing her new romance.
"Seeing all these interviews with actors talking about 'loves of their lives' and then they break up in a year and you're thinking, 'What if something happens and they end up being a total jerk?'" she explained. "Then you forever have these pictures of you standing on the red carpets together."
"What if I brought my boyfriend to the Oscars as my date and we were sitting together and that would be forever out there?" Chastain joked.
Devious Maids has been compared to Desperate Housewives, but after watching the first two episodes of Marc Cherry's latest primetime soap, it's distinctive enough to stand out from the former ABC hit.
From a distance, there are some similarities: a large ensemble cast, attractive leading ladies, a nice mix of soapy drama, some campy hilarity. But once you take a closer look, there are more than enough differences -- and not just, as star Ana Ortiz (Ugly Betty) puts it, an "upstairs, downstairs" feel. There's a real heart to the show and the leads are much more relatable than the Housewives ever were.
"It's definitely a Marc Cherry show and I think that that's fabulous and we really want that," Ortiz said recently while in Toronto. "What's so wonderful is that it's so different, blending these two worlds together in a way that hasn't been seen before. You're not only getting the point of view from the Beverly Hills [side], but you're getting the point of view from the downstairs, as it were, from the domestic workers. It's so rich and so full and there are so many places to go. And he goes there."
Let's hope so. I stopped watching Desperate Housewives halfway into its run, when the series fast-forwarded five years. That was back when it seemed a bunch of shows were following in that whole flash-forward phenomenon, a la Lost, and while some thought it worked (it must have, the show lasted four more seasons), I lost interest.
Devious Maids, on the other hand -- I can't get enough of. And while it will be constantly compared to Housewives (which not only comes from creator Cherry, but alum Eva Longoria also serves as an executive producer), it more than holds its own. It's an ideal summer show, loaded with lots of dirty laundry (that may or may not get done and put away, depending on the maid) and Lifetime is the perfect network to air it.
Devious Maids centres on a close group of maids -- Rosie (Dania Ramirez, Heroes), Carmen (Roselyn Sanchez, Without a Trace), Zoila (Judy Reyes, Scrubs) and Valentina (Edy Ganem, Livin' Loud) -- whose lives get turned upside-down after their friend and fellow maid Flora (Paula Garces, The Shield) is murdered. They're keeping a secret about her from everyone, including new maid Marisol (Ortiz), who is fascinated by Flora's death for her own reasons.
They're all working for their wickedly wealthy Beverly Hills employers but while they dust and mop and scrub and wash, they also balance their own hopes and dreams (Rosie is trying to bring her son to America; Carmen wants a music career and thinks her superstar boss might be her way in; Zoila is trying to raise daughter Valentina while keeping her from falling for their boss' son). And aside from all that, they have to hold the hands of their self-absorbed employers, and grit their teeth while they listen to their so-called "problems."
While that might sound annoying, nothing could be further from the truth. Sure, the richies are maddening (Rosie's boss, Peri, played by True Blood's Mariana Klaveno is my least favourite), but some are so over-the-top, I can't help but laugh -- in particular, Flora's bosses, Adrian and Evelyn Powell (Tom Irwin and Rebecca Wisocky). One of the things Devious Maids definitely shares with DH is that it doesn't take itself too seriously. Case in point: Susan Lucci. The All My Children diva plays Genevieve Delatour, whom Zoila and Valentina report to, but unlike Carmen, Rosie and Marisol's bosses, she's sweet and fragile ... and hilarious. Yes, Erica Kane is hilarious!
"She is so funny, it's crazy," Ortiz gushes about Lucci. "Genevieve, she's just the heart of this show. She believes in love, she believes in the goodness of people. It's really wonderful."
And La Looch is having a blast. "I'm having the best time," adds Lucci. "The relationship between Zoila and Genevieve, it's so fun and so complex and interdependent. There's so much to this show."
Ortiz concurs. "We really are able to push that envelope, we don't really have a lot of barriers. So he can really take it and push it and luckily, we have such an amazing cast -- if I do say so myself -- that we can take these outlandish scenarios and really ground them, and bring a reality and a humour and a love and a realness to them."
It truly is a fabulous show, from its dynamic cast and diverse characters, to its unique point of view and air of mystery. Watch the first five minutes and you'll be hooked. Desperate Housewives who?
Devious Maids debuts Sunday, June 23 at 10 p.m. ET/7 p.m. PT on Lifetime.
Women may begin to train in some of the most elite units of the U.S. military under plans announced Tuesday, in another step forward following the Pentagon's lift of the longstanding ban on women in combat.
Representatives from the Defense Department, military services and U.S. Special Operations Command came together Tuesday to provide an update on their plans to further place women in positions that were previously closed to them. The plans are the result of a lengthy review and aim, in a measured way, to open thousands of combat jobs to women, including those in special forces.
According to a congressional aide, the Pentagon has informed members of Congress that under schedules military leaders have delivered to Hagel, women may be able to start training as Army Rangers by July 2015 and as Navy SEALs by March 2016.
Such elite units have often been cited by critics and members of the military as areas where women would be incapable of serving, largely based on physical demands. The Pentagon's congressional briefing said service members must meet the same physical and mental requirements in order to qualify for positions that are considered "front-line" -- infantry, armor, commando -- across the services. Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel has looked over the plans and has mandated that the services move forward with their implementation.
Defense Department spokesman on Personnel and Readiness Nate Christensen confirmed that members of Congress were briefed on the plans but emphasized, "No decision has been definitively made."
Military leaders also cautioned in the Tuesday briefing that the process of implementation must be given time to take hold, but the timelines for integrating women into Army Ranger and Navy SEAL positions weren't addressed.
"Sometimes we underestimate the capacity of our younger troops to embrace change," said U.S. Army Chief of Personnel Lt. Gen. Howard Bromberg, in response to a question about whether women would be integrated into special ops positions such as the Rangers or SEALs, and opposition to such a move.
As for whether women would be capable of taking on such roles, Bromberg noted that the defining characteristic of special operators is intellect. "The days of Rambo are over," he said.
"I have no doubt there are qualified women who can serve in any role in our military," Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.) told The Huffington Post, "and when all of our best and brightest serve in combat our country is stronger for it.”
It’s the summer of Salma Hayek!
Or at least that’s how it’s panning out to be on newsstands. Less than a week after the Mexican actress was announced as InStyle magazine’s July cover girl, the star is now the face of Glamour magazine’s Summer edition of Glam Belleza Latina.
Accompanied by actress Jessica Alba, also featured within the issue, the two stars share beauty advice, their definition of success, and their Latina icons.
During the interview with the magazine, Salma admitted she is a “late bloomer” and thus feels that at the age of 46 she’s having “the best time of my life.” The actress also commented on the pressures women face within society today.
(Check Out The Magazine Cover Below)
"We've got to fight for our confidence every day in modern life because we live in a society that is very harsh to women,” Hayek told Glam Belleza Latina. “You have to be smart and successful and a good mother and beautiful and young and skinny forever."
In the past, the star has been involved with organizations like Chime For Change, which fights for women’s rights and empowerment. And while Salma dedicates her time to help other women prosper, she shared her own definition of success with Glam.
"Success is happiness. If you've found the right companion for life, a good relationship with loved ones, if you are healthy—my God, you are immensely successful," Hayek told the magazine.
Words that seem to resonate with actress Jessica Alba who lists Hayek among her Latina icons.
“I admire Rita Hayworth, Eva Perón, Jennifer Lopez, and Salma Hayek Pinault—all different but all notable Latinas in their own right,” Alba told Glam.
Alba shared her grandmother’s beauty tricks and revealed the beauty advice she wants to pass down to her own daughters.
"I share the same advice that my mom gave me—stay hydrated and sleep well. And that being a beautiful person on the inside is what really matters," Alba said.
The summer edition of Glam Belleza Latina is available in select newsstands in New York City, Los Angeles, and Miami and online.
I come from good, strong, achievement-oriented stock. My father was a Fulbright Scholar with two Ph.Ds who integrated Virginia Beach, faced down death threats from the KKK in Alabama, integrated the neighborhood where I spent my early-mid childhood and built an academic and college administration career. My mother is accomplished in her own right, with a Ph.D and several groundbreaking career firsts of her own. My grandparents were also obscenely accomplished -- on both sides -- and I come from a long line of ministers and college graduates dating back to the 1800s, when African-Americans didn't often earn college degrees.
I imagine I was expected to achieve from the start. My mother swears I spoke in full sentences by the time I was 8 months old, stood on my head at age 1 and read at the eighth grade level by the time I was 3 (though that one seems a little far-fetched to me), but somewhere along the way, I got the mistaken notion that achievement isn't enough, that if I wanted to be worth anything in this life, I needed to super-achieve. The problem is, 'super-achieverdom,' as I call it -- not to be confused with achievement or something as mundane as success -- is a precarious, soul-stealing and ultimately losing game.
I followed the super-achiever playbook and got into all the right schools. After my second summer of law school, I was offered the fancy, big law firm job. And then, I walked away -- the way you only do if you're young and have no idea what it actually costs to live. I don't regret it one bit.
I didn't walk away from achievement, mind you. I still wanted achievement, both the big explosive achievements the world stands up and takes note of, and the quieter achievements we often overlook. But achievement and super-achieverdom are not the same thing.
Super-achieverdom is to achievement what meth is to a nice glass of wine: its less healthy, more destructive, distant cousin.
Achievement arises naturally from who you are. It follows your inner compass, even when all around you are certain you're headed the wrong way. Super-achieverdom, on the other hand, proceeds from an external locus of control. It seeks to get us validation at any cost by keeping you on the officially sanctioned, tried-and-true path. Super-achievers, I've noticed, often go to law school, medical school or business school -- not because they have a burning passion or reason, unique to them, to do so, but because, well, it's the next logical step on the generic ladder to success.
Achievement asks: "Who am I, what are my passions and talents, what do I have to give?" Super-achieverdom seeks to prove: "I am somebody, I am OK. Here's the secret: you are somebody, you are OK. Achievement knows you're somebody. It spurs you on to be who you uniquely are -- and gives you the confidence that who you are is always enough. You'll have to figure out how to turn who you are into a life that sustains you, materially and spiritually, but achievement can always find a way.
You know you're a super-achiever, pejorative sense, if, despite your many accomplishments, you feel like you're not enough. Or, if you're so afraid to fail that you won't take even smart, calculated risks to arrive at a cherished goal, whether that's navigating a new career path, or simply making time in your schedule for hobbies and pleasures that enhance your life.
5 reasons why super-achieverdom is overrated:
1. It keeps you from the failure that leads to success.
Failure is often a necessary stop on the path to success. We learned to walk, talk, ride a bike and do just about everything we know how to do by failing first. It's also worth mentioning that some of the most meteoric successes (Steve Jobs, Thomas Edison and Einstein come to mind) followed crushing failures -- or protracted periods during which failure, or meager, modest successes, were the norm.
2. It constrains the imagination.
Super-achieverdom is all about results. It wants the blue ribbon! It wants the Academy Award! The thing is, all that focus on results, results, results, keeps you from taking the necessary leaps of imagination or leaps of faith that often proceed the discovery or creation of something truly great. After all, the tried-and-true path can only lead you where man has already gone, whereas the imaginative possibilities lie in the unknown places that we travel to only when we don't care what other people think. Because here's the thing about true, original, internal locus of control achievements: they seem impossible or nonsensical or foolhardy until you get there first and plant your flag.
3. It makes you small.
They may not look it, or even know it, but those addicted to super-achieverdom are scared -- that they aren't enough, that they won't be loved, that if they stop tap-dancing, everyone will know, the emperor has no clothes. The anecdote to that madness is to remember that your success didn't make you; you made your success -- and, if need be, you can make some more.
4. It makes you to think others are small.
If you believe you are your achievements, you'll believe others are as well, and you'll miss the opportunity to see others as they really are and to receive the gifts they have to offer, however modest or flashy they may be.
5. It blocks joy.
True joy comes from having an inner confidence neither triumph or failure can touch. To get there, you must let super-achieverdom go.
This post is part of a series produced by The Huffington Post in conjunction with our women’s conference, “The Third Metric: Redefining Success Beyond Money & Power” which will take place in New York on June 6, 2013. To read all of the posts in the series and learn more about the conference, click here. Join the conversation on Twitter #ThirdMetric.
WASHINGTON -- What do movie stars, runway models and brides have in common? They all get their hair professionally coiffed before a big event -- and now getting a blowout isn't just for A-listers and brides-to-be.
With the rise of salons like Drybar (a West Coast import) and Blowout Bar DC, both of which specialize in just one thing, it's never been easier for Washington women to get great hair -- and fast -- for a big event. We also love the price point: A wash-and-dry blowout at Blowout Bar DC is just $35, while Drybar's most basic blowout runs $40.
You'll pay a bit more for the controversial Brazilian blowout but its proponents swear the treatment is "safe for all hair types, even fine, brittle, damaged."
Now that it's wedding season, blowout bars are only becoming more booked: The only appointment available at Drybar one recent Saturday in early June was at 8:00 p.m.
Of course, getting a blowout isn't just for a special occasion. Drybar co-owner Michael Landau told The Washington Post that the pre-work, weekday 7:00 a.m. slot is one of the salon's most coveted.
When we were just kids chewing on cherry-flavored Flinstones vitamins, we had no idea what a big deal it was for our hair. (All we knew is that the edible versions of our favorite stone-age characters would somehow make us big and strong). Now that we're older and wiser, we've switched Pebbles out for biotin and prenatal vitamins in hopes of growing healthier, stronger and shinier hair. But is it really working?
According to Dr. Melissa Piliang, a dermatologist at the Cleveland Clinic, we shouldn't be too quick to assume that vitamins are the be-all and end-all for hair loss, brittleness and dullness. "One of the biggest misconceptions is that vitamins will help with these problems, but in fact, they may be linked to internal issues stemming from the thyroid or chronic anemia," she explained.
"Daily multivitamins or prenatal supplements help to fill gaps found in our diets," said Dr. Pilliang. "We tend to restrict carbohydrates or fats for weight lost or replace them with juices, but vitamins contain important nutrients like biotin, zinc and B-complex that help to enhance the health of our hair."
With this in mind, Dr. Pilliang recommends a handful of vitamins and minerals for hair that can be taken on a daily basis. Read on to find out how each of these nutrients impact hair health, as well as alternative sources that you can incorporate into your diet.Iron: Women of child-bearing ages or those who don't eat a lot of red meat tend to be deficient in iron. Even those who aren't anemic can also have low iron levels. Iron carries oxygen to hair and promotes growth. However, it is very important to discuss with your physician about how much iron (or any supplement) you should take every day. Iron-rich foods include, egg yolks, lentils, spinach and chicken.
Vitamin D: This is important for hair follicle cycling, especially for individuals who live in northern parts of the United States where sunlight is limited. The supplement is also prescribed as a treatment for atopic dermatitis like eczema. Salmon, mushroom, beef liver and grains are great alternative sources of vitamin D.
Zinc: Heavy exercisers and sweaters tend to lose significant amounts of zinc. To regain this hair growth mineral, consume 15-30mg daily or munch on high-zinc foods like lamb, turkey, pumpkin seeds and chocolate.
B-complex Vitamins: Biotin, niacin and cobalamin are among the most popular B-complex vitamins that help restore shine and thickness to strands. Load up on whole grains, eggs, avocados and legumes, as they are some of the best food sources for B-complex vitamins.
What vitamins do you take to improve the health of your hair?
Meanwhile, whip up these yummy beauty recipes:
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Steve Carell has to get something off of his chest.
In an interview with TVLine, Carell opened up about how much he lied leading up to "The Office" finale.
“I lied,” Carell, who played Michael Scott, said. “I lied for months to the press, to almost everyone, really. And I felt terribly for the cast and for [executive producer] Greg Daniels, because they all lied, too.”
Due to the months of will-he-won't-he reports about Carell's involvement in the "The Office" series finale in May, perhaps it wasn't a huge surprise when he showed up. But it was nevertheless handled beautifully and appropriately. For Dwight (Rainn Wilson) and Angela's (Angla Kinsey) wedding, Jim (John Krasinski) was Dwight's "bestest mensch" (i.e. best man), only he told Dwight that he couldn't be because he was younger than Dwight. And so he brought in a replacement.
Dwight turned around and saw Michael in the doorway. "Michael. I can’t believe you came," he said.
"That’s what she said," Michael responded. "Best prank ever," Jim revealed to the camera.
“I didn’t want it to be a big thing. I did it out of respect for the show and for the actors,” Carell told TVLine. “My only hope with it was I didn’t want it to be about Michael coming back. I didn’t want the story to be about him in any way. I wanted it to be more of a tip of the hat to the show.”
Earlier this month, Krasinski admitted to getting a rush from all the lies.
"It was so thrilling. We all just flat-out lied," Kraskinski said at Massachusetts General Hospital Cancer Center's The One Hundred Gala, according to People magazine.
"I lied to Letterman! I have to apologize to him for that at some point. It was just one of those things that we all vowed and had to protect," he continued, "Look what happened -- it was the best. The 'that's what she said' was the perfect use of Steve."
It was basically just yesterday that Dan Harmon was saying all those negative things about "Community" Season 4, but now, he's sorry for saying them.
On his Tumblr blog, the fired, then re-hired "Community" showrunner apologized to the many people he ripped and indirectly offended in his podcast.
"I went to bed feeling great, woke up and started work on season five of 'Community' with our exciting season five staff. I took them to lunch, checked my tweets, discovered my name in several headlines next to several bad words, and, as usual, it was then that I started to consider how my words might affect other people if viewed as headlines. After five seconds of thinking, I realized, as usual, that other people might be hurt, and that I really need to do this whole 'saying things and thinking about other people' cycle in a different order at some point," Harmon wrote.
First, Harmon apologized to the show's fans. "I am first and foremost sorry to 'Community' fans that got paid nothing to stick by 'Community' and get us to a fifth season only to hear the incoming showrunner say some stuff that felt very un-'Community.' Even if my goal had been to hurt someone, it would never have been you. What I said was disrespectful to your love for this show, love that I sometimes erroneously equate with validation of me as a person."
Then he apologized to the "Community" cast and crew. "Next I want to apologize to the people that did get paid to work on that season, but not enough: the cast and crew ... I was very much not thinking about anyone but myself while watching that season, which was the crime. I hope over time you’ll forgive me. I wasn’t thinking about your contribution or describing it. I was just indulging my petty feelings about being left out."
Harmon even apologized to the replacement "Community" showrunners, Moses Port and David Guarascio. "Thirdly, because they got paid more, but still not enough, the season 4 writers. I’m sorry I pooped on your work. You had to do something nobody should have to attempt, and you had the option of doing it the lazy way or the sellout way and you clearly did what you did because you were thinking of the fans. There was some amazing stuff in there."
Finally, Harmon apologized for comparing watching Season 4 to rape. "I am deeply sorry to anyone I hurt by using the word 'rape' in a comedic context. I am sorry to anyone I hurt by conjuring the concept of rape in a metaphor about my stupid hurt feelings. As you saw above, unless you skimmed this blog entry for the word 'rape,' I was not thinking about the impact of my words on the people that love 'Community' and work on it."
To sum it all up, Dan Harmon is really sorry, guys.
A Wall Street Journal columnist drew some heat on Tuesday for declaring that recent investigations into sexual assault in the military were nothing more than a "war on men."
Activists and members of Congress have fought a highly publicized campaign in recent months to curb the astounding levels of rape and assault in the military. The Journal's James Taranto, though, was apparently so disturbed by one investigation that he called the entire debate "a political campaign against sexual assault in the military that shows signs of becoming an effort to criminalize male sexuality."
These lines were met with quick anger:
So, @jamestaranto, if punishing sexual assault is "criminalizing male sexuality," then are you opposed to laws that outlaw rape?-- Jamelle Bouie (@jbouie) June 18, 2013
Don't forget, @jamestaranto also wrote this post-Aurora: "I hope the girls whose boyfriends died to save them were worthy of the sacrifice."-- Alec MacGillis (@AlecMacGillis) June 18, 2013
GROTESQUE."@Salencita: James Taranto thinks we're criminalizing male sexuality by prosecuting rape in the military. http://t.co/6cPAHDcb6R"-- Mary Beth Williams (@embeedub) June 18, 2013
Most men don't rape, actually, James Taranto. But implying that they do emboldens rapists who want to believe they're normal.-- Amanda Marcotte (@AmandaMarcotte) June 18, 2013
By JIM ABRAMS, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
WASHINGTON — House Republicans on Tuesday make their most concerted effort of the year to change federal abortion law with legislation that would ban almost all abortions after a fetus reaches the age of 20 weeks.
The "Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act," expected to pass by a comfortable margin late Tuesday, would be a direct challenge to the 1973 Roe v. Wade Supreme Court decision that legalized abortions up to the time a fetus becomes viable. Fetal viability is generally considered to be at least 24 weeks into the pregnancy.
The measure will be ignored by the Democratic-led Senate and the White House, saying the bill is "an assault on a woman's right to choose," has issued a veto threat.
Even if the policy were to become law, it would almost certainly face a legal challenge. That's a prospect supporters hope for as part of the ultimate goal of overturning Roe v. Wade.
The two sides in the abortion debate agreed at least on the importance of the measure.
National Right to Life Committee legislative director Douglas Johnson said it was the "most significant piece of pro-life legislation to come before the House since the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act" that was enacted in 2003. Rep. John Conyers of Michigan, top Democrat on the House Judiciary Committee, said the bill "clearly is an attack on women's constitutional right to choose and is one of the most far-reaching bans on abortion this committee has ever considered."
Some 11 state legislatures have passed similar measures. Several have been challenged in court and a federal court last month struck down a slightly different Arizona law that banned abortion after 20 weeks of pregnancy. Anti-abortion groups said the time frame in the House bill and other state laws, which ban abortion 20 weeks after conception, is equal to 22 weeks of pregnancy.
The sponsors of the bill also cited evidence – which opponents say is disputed – that fetuses can feel pain after five months.
House GOP leaders, stymied by a Democratic Senate and a Democrat in the White House, have chosen to focus on economic issues rather than contentious social topics such as abortion. "Jobs continue to be our number one concern," House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, said last week when asked about the abortion bill. But he said that "after the Kermit Gosnell case and the publicity that it received, I think the legislation is appropriate."
Gosnell was a Philadelphia abortion provider who last month received a life sentence for what prosecutors said was the murder of three babies delivered alive. The case energized anti-abortion groups, who said it exemplified the inhumanity of late-term abortions.
The original House bill, sponsored by anti-abortion leader Rep. Trent Franks, R-Ariz., was aimed only at the District of Columbia, but was expanded to cover the entire nation after the Gosnell case received national attention.
Pro-choice groups argued that the 20-week ban, in addition to being unconstitutional, would affect women just at the point of learning of a fetal anomaly or determining that the pregnancy could put the mother's life in danger.
As introduced, the bill provided for an exception to the ban only in cases of a physical condition that endangers the life of the mother. In the Judiciary Committee last week, Republicans rejected Democratic attempts to include rape, incest and other health problems as grounds for exceptions.
But Franks, during debate on the rape exception, angered Democrats and drew unwanted publicity to the bill when he stated that cases of "rape resulting in pregnancy are very low."
Franks later rephrased his remark, but GOP leaders rushed to impose damage control. A provision was inserted in the bill heading to the House floor including a rape and incest exception, and Franks, who heads the Judiciary subcommittee on the constitution and civil justice, was replaced as floor manager for the bill by Rep. Marsha Blackburn, R-Tenn., who is not a member of the Judiciary Committee.
Democrats had pointed out that every Republican on the Judiciary Committee that approved the anti-abortion bill was a man.
With the changes, said NARAL Pro-Choice America President Ilyse Hogue, "the GOP is desperately trying to hide that the party has a deep hostility to women's rights and freedom."
Brad Pitt stars in "World War Z," but he isn't the only member of the Pitt and Angelina Jolie household to appear in the zombie thriller. Pitt's son, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, makes an uncredited cameo in "World War Z" as a zombie.
"He gets shot in the head, multiple times. But he gets double tapped," Pitt said at the premiere of "World War Z." "I don't know what that says about me as a parent."
Maddox, of course, isn't the only member of the Jolie-Pitt brood to appear in a film with their parents. Vivienne Jolie-Pitt plays a younger version of her mother, Angelina Jolie, in the upcoming film "Maleficent." For her troubles, Vivienne was paid a reported $3000 per week with a $60 per diem.
"World War Z" is out on June 21. For more, head over to Us Weekly.
Dear Postpartum, Hormonal, Completely Overwhelmed Self,
You’re probably a little bit gone right now. But that’s okay. I’ll talk anyway. I know you’re tired -- no, exhausted beyond anything you’ve ever known.
How is it that she is the only one glowing under a shaft of sunlight? At least fifty classmates squeeze together in the photo of a group of alumni gathered in front of Dartmouth Hall for our 25th college reunion. Only she pops out as illuminated by some special ray of sunshine, further highlighting her blonde hair.
A friend posted the photo on Facebook this weekend. I didn't attend the reunion. Nevertheless, I have felt a sense of virtual participation through the posts and messages from friends in Hanover all weekend. My class is littered with successful women: a US Senator, a television star from "Saturday Night Live," the North American chair of a luxury brand, doctors, published writers, journalists, academics and enlightened yogis who have trekked worlds inward and out. It's enough to intimidate even moderately successful alums.
But then there's the Golden Girl. I remember first seeing her after my "freshman trip" -- a ritual three-day hike embarked upon by freshmen and women before the official beginning of school. We donned hiking boots (my first and only pair), filled canteens and learned to appreciate the granite of New Hampshire before we even entered a classroom. Coming from suburban Massachusetts and as the daughter of a Jewish academic and psychoanalyst, hiking in the woods was not a familiar experience. I grew up sitting for hours at the kitchen table eating bagels and debating politics or books. We didn't blaze trails in the wilderness. By the time I returned from the woods, my once blown-dry black hair had rediscovered its naturally full and frizzy character and my pale skin burst with freckles and mosquito bites. On a Hanover lawn, my new classmates and I gathered in a large circle to review our outing adventures. My eyes couldn't help but fall upon her -- the Golden Girl. In fact, I'm pretty sure that everyone's eyes did. Tan, tall and radiating confidence, there she sat in the front of the circle. If Mattel made an "outdoor Barbie," it would have looked just like her. Not a strand of smooth hair lay out of place. Her teeth glistened. And she chatted easily with everyone, seeming to know most of the freshmen class before we even found our dormitories. I sat voiceless on the side, awed by her aura.
Throughout my four years in college, I envied the Golden Girl Like Thomas Mann's character Tonio Kröger and his feelings for his blonde friend Hans Hansen and his beloved Ingeborg Holm, the Golden Girl seemed to be graced with an easy life. She always had a boyfriend -- a football player, of course. The elite sorority scooped her up. A smile seemed permanently plastered on her face.
We all know an "It" girl in whatever body and community she appears -- I watch her emerge in my daughter's middle school group. While can't take your eyes off of her, you can't dislike her either, because she's a sweet person, damn it.
Coming from the public school system and a family that couldn't be traced back to the Mayflower, I strived to learn the boarding school code of understated privilege that surrounded the Golden Girl. Although the years have since taught me better, she seemed immune to rejection or body issues or financial stress. Everyone knew her name within the first week. Did anyone other than my roommates know mine?
Eventually, my confidence grew. I lost and found myself through various physical incarnations, emotional struggles and heartfelt discussions with friends. I "de-pledged" a sorority and found community in WIL (Women's Issues League) meetings where we actually discussed how women (womyn?) should be spelled to avoid referring to ourselves by reference to men. I even learned to canoe down the Connecticut River and jog around Occum Pond in the mornings. My ease with languages and literary analysis got me noticed, if not by football players, then by my professors (although one frat boy who asked me to his formal did actually become a professional baseball player).
That was 25 years ago. Since that time, I've found my own "gold" within, and it's not from the few highlights I have now added to my graying mane. In fact, when Facebook suggested that I "friend" the Golden Girl (she popped up under "people you may know"), her photo didn't incite a bit of envy in me. That was the girl I found so perfect? I now appreciate a more unusual face, a beauty that comes from the unexpected. What do we really see, at age 18? If only we could have viewed ourselves in our youth as we our wise middle-aged eyes have taught us to see. How golden we would appear to ourselves.
But if I believed my perspective to have evolved past my insecure beginnings at college, then that reunion photo was my undoing. Of all of the images of happy, successful classmates posted from the reunion I missed, the one with the light unnerved me, evoking feelings I thought I'd left behind a quarter century ago. In the midst of assembled classmates, a single ray shines on one woman. "Check out the golden light shining upon her" another classmate comments. "As if she didn't look great enough without divine intervention." Yep -- I wasn't alone in seeing it. She's not the prominent Senator, or the established New York Times reporter, she's not the celebrity or the student made-good and returned to campus as tenured professor, but she's still smiling and looks exactly like she did in the fall of 1984, a Golden Girl. Darn those reunions.
Moving is so difficult, I've known of friends who have stayed at the absolute worst apartments in order to avoid the task for as long as possible. And by "friends" I also mean "myself." I had come to my senses right before my 5th anniversary in a city I didn't necessarily like, in an apartment with floors so crooked my father was inspired to say "It's like you've already had two drinks when you come here." The move was hard, but living in what was most likely an illegally converted apartment was even harder.
So when you've made the decision to move, there's kind of a bucket list that needs to be written before you can close the chapter on that period of your life. Here's what it is:
- Stop buying groceries. Instead, order takeout from your favorite Chinese food place until you're sick of it. Honestly, it's hard to find a good Chinese food place. It'll probably be months or years before you find a decent one in your new neighborhood. Who knows what you'll do until then?
- Get a haircut. Like finding the right Chinese food place, finding a new stylist is another arduous process that can lead to temporarily uncomfortable outcomes.
- If you're moving from the city to the suburbs, enjoy the luxury of being able to walk home after a long night out.
- If you're moving from the suburbs to the city, enjoy the luxury of being able to shop in a grocery store that has normal-sized carts and normal prices.
- Take pictures. One day, your kids will ask you about your year of living in an apartment smaller than a closet.
- Have people over. Because you always said you would, but never got around to it.
Then comes the worst part -- the actual moving process. Hopefully, yours won't be as bad as the stories below.
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Former Rep. Allen West (R-Fla.) believes women have no place in elite military units, he said Tuesday in a Facebook post accusing President Barack Obama and the Defense Department of enacting a policy change that does not take combat roles seriously enough.
"Being in close quarters special operations combat units is not a social gathering," he said, reacting to news that women will be able to start training as Army Rangers and Navy SEALs starting in the next few years. "There is no equality in close combat. The goal is simple: you physically overpower the enemy and kill them. Don’t tell me about technology, war is about fighting and fighting is about killing, mano y mano."
Despite West's apparent concern about women being unprepared to kill, the standards for females to enter combat units of any sort will not be lowered, meaning that everyone training for the roles must pass the same rigorous physical and mental tests.
The Associated Press reported that military officials believed expanding the role of women could help address the scourge of sexual assault in the military:Earlier this year, Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Gen. Martin Dempsey said the sexual assaults might be linked to the longstanding ban on women serving in combat because the disparity between the roles of men and women creates separate classes of personnel – male "warriors" versus the rest of the force.
While the sexual assault problem is more complicated than that, he said, the disparity has created a psychology that lends itself to disrespect for women.
West had a different take, seemingly suggesting that putting women in combat roles would only encourage such aggressive behavior, perhaps because males would feel that their "warrior" status was being compromised by their female counterparts.
"I find it completely hypocritical for everyone to be up in arms about military sexual assault, but then want to cast women into high stress small unit combat elements," he said. "The objective is obvious: destroy the last bastions of American warrior culture all for the advancement of a misguided vision of fairness and equality."
West has been a reliable opponent of increasing combat roles for women, and has claimed in the past that the military's sexual assault problem would only be made worse by the new policy change.
Read West's entire Facebook post below:Just read another instance of Obama's fundamental transformation of America: women will enter US Army Ranger and US Navy SEAL training in 2015 and 2016 respectively. Being in close quarters special operations combat units is not a social gathering. It is obvious Sec Def Chuck Hagel is nothing more than a social egalitarian lackey and Obama's yes boy. I find it completely hypocritical for everyone to be up in arms about military sexual assault, but then want to cast women into high stress small unit combat elements. The objective is obvious: destroy the last bastions of American warrior culture all for the advancement of a misguided vision of fairness and equality. There is no equality in close combat. The goal is simple: you physically overpower the enemy and kill them. Don’t tell me about technology, war is about fighting and fighting is about killing, mano y mano. Imagine how the Islamic jihadists are going to use this as propaganda. Is there one senior uniformed leader in our military who will stand up and say, "NO?"
WASHINGTON -- Polls have shown most Americans like the idea of requiring businesses to provide paid sick leave to workers who fall ill. In fact, the idea is gaining so much traction that industry lobbies and GOP lawmakers around the country are now trying to block such laws before they're even proposed.
On Friday, Florida Gov. Rick Scott (R) signed a so-called sick-leave "preemption" bill into law, thereby forbidding local jurisdictions from passing measures that mandate accrued sick time for workers. The signing drew applause from business groups and condemnation from worker advocates, since it effectively blocked a sick-leave proposal being considered in Orange County.
Florida, however, is just the latest in a string of states to enact such laws, most of them garnering far less attention. According to records with the Sunlight Foundation's OpenStates.org, preemption laws backed by the restaurant industry have recently been passed in at least six other states -- Arizona, Louisiana, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kansas and Wisconsin -- where the bills were all signed by Republican governors. Other preemption bills have been proposed in states like Michigan, Indiana and Alabama.
The U.S. is an outlier among most developed countries in its lack of guaranteed sick time for workers. According to recent data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, nearly 40 percent of private-sector U.S. workers receive no sick leave at all, many of them in lower-wage industries like restaurants and retail. When these workers or their children get sick, they face an unpleasant choice: Clock in anyway, or lose a day's wages.
With a federal guarantee of sick time unlikely to arrive any time soon, sick-leave supporters have found some success getting mandates passed on the state and local levels. But those measures are now being undone or blocked by the preemption bills, many of which also block local living-wage ordinances. Worker advocates argue that such laws are based on a rather unconservative principle: letting state governments tell local counties and municipalities what's good for them.
"These bills are really hurting workers, in addition to taking away local control to decide what's best for communities," said Vicki Shabo, of the National Partnership for Women & Families, which supports sick-leave mandates. "It is a concern, but it's also a symbol of the progress we're making."
The Florida preemption bill was signed in time to scuttle the Orange County proposal. The measure there would have been put to a countywide vote, with activists having amassed roughly 50,000 signatures in favor of putting it on the ballot. Given the public popularity of mandated sick leave, backers believe the proposal would have fared well.
The preemption measure had the support of Disney World, the Florida Chamber of Commerce and Darden Restaurants, owner of the Red Lobster and Olive Garden chains. Restaurant trade groups have come out in support of other preemption bills, claiming local sick-leave mandates would lead to patchwork regulations and help kill jobs.
According to BLS data, less than one quarter of workers employed in the "accommodation and food services" industry receive paid sick days, compared with 61 percent of workers in the private sector as a whole.
The National Restaurant Association, whose member affiliates have been among the prime backers of the preemption bills, declined to comment to HuffPost on the sick-leave issue. As HuffPost reported in 2011, the D.C.-based group poured at least $100,000 into opposing a local sick-leave proposal in Denver, which voters ultimately turned down.
In 2011, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker (R) signed into law a preemption bill that nullified a sick-leave mandate passed in the city of Milwaukee. The measure had been approved by voters and affirmed by a state appeals court. In explaining why he voided the local measure, Walker said a mandate would "stifle job creation and economic opportunity."
The Wisconsin bill appears to have served as something of a model for similar measures that have surfaced since 2011. As PRWatch.org reported, sick-day mandates were discussed at a 2011 meeting in New Orleans of the American Legislative Exchange Council, the free-market consortium of businesses and conservative lawmakers better known as ALEC. A handout at the meeting included a copy of the Wisconsin legislation and a map showing where sick-day mandates were percolating, according to the site.
Ellen Bravo, director of Family Values @ Work, a coalition of sick leave proponents, called the proliferation of preemption laws "shockingly undemocratic," comparing it to voter suppression.
"This is what democracy does not look like," Bravo said. "What do you do when you live in a democracy and people seem to want something you don't agree with, and you have a lot of money or power? You can limit who gets to vote, and this is the flipside of that: You limit what people can vote for."
Shabo argued that the tangle of local ordinances and preemption laws makes the case for a national standard. Sen. Tom Harkin (D-Iowa) and Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-Conn.) have introduced bills that would require most private-sector employers to provide a worker with up to seven sick days over the course of a year. Similar proposals have died in the past on Capitol Hill, and it's likely the current bill will fail in the GOP-controlled House.
As Rep. Alan Grayson (D-Fla.) recently noted in an interview with HuffPost, most of the lawmakers deciding the fate of vacation and sick-day legislation already enjoy paid leave themselves.
Before her days as supermom Kristina Braverman on "Parenthood," Monica Potter was a struggling soap actress. In fact, she played Sharon Newman before Sharon Case took over the role.
"I worked on 'The Young And The Restless,' and I was fired because I was terrible," Potter told Craig Ferguson in a 2010 interview (below) at the 4:23 mark. "I had to dance in like a bathing suit and, you know, they put all this paint on you, like you're supposed to be tan and there's music in the background, but there's not really music ... I just couldn't do it."
Check out the full photo of Potter in her early soap days below:
Luckily, Potter's luck has turned around since her soap days. The actress went on to have a successful film career in the early 2000s. But in between that time and when she landed her "Parenthood" role, she moved back to her hometown due to a messy divorce, which ended up being a blessing in disguise.
"Four years later, I woke up one morning and said, 'I have to go back to California because I have to work and support the kids ... Within three months of being back [in LA], I got a phone call that my father died," Potter said in Variety's Emmy Studio Supporting Actress Drama panel discussion. "So that was the purpose, just being back there for those years ... I would never, ever, ever, ever give up that time back in Cleveland with my parents, with my dad -- and my boys with my father -- for anything ... It's kind of cool to have gotten a second chance to come back and do television."
Season 5 of "Parenthood" will air on Thursdays at 10 p.m. ET on NBC in the fall.
Honor de Balzac is said to have consumed the equivalent of 50 cups of coffee a day at his peak. He did not drink coffee, though -- he pulverized coffee beans into a fine dust and ingested the dry powder on an empty stomach. He described the approach as horrible, rather brutal, to be tried only by men of excessive vigor. He documented the effects of the process in his 1839 essay "Trait des Excitants Modernes" ("Treatise on Modern Stimulants"): "Sparks shoot all the way up to the brain while ideas quick-march into motion like battalions of a grand army to its legendary fighting ground, and the battle rages."
Balzac's novels and plays endure, but modern science is challenging his view of caffeine causing ideas to "quick-march into motion." While caffeine has numerous benefits, it appears that the drug may undermine creativity more than it stimulates it.
Not many people recognize the plight of the large-chested woman, but comedian Deon Cole understands that, "It gets better" for them, too.
Watch the clip from "Deon Cole's Black Box" on TBS above, wherein "thoughtful creep" Cole addresses a young woman who was turned away from her prom for showing too much cleavage with a heartfelt message.
... her daughter Angelica Donati, super model Jodie Kidd, Julie Brangstrup, CEO of Cash & Rocket, Victorias Secret model Selita Ebanks, Margherita...
A conservative columnist has suggested that female soldiers in the United States are prone to "erratic" behavior and may even make up sexual assault incidents in exchange for cash or attention.
John Derbyshire's column, published in Taki's Magazine, is formatted as a list intended to "apprise the US military of some true facts" about military sexual assaults. While the most recent Pentagon survey found that there are more than 70 sexual assaults involving military personnel every day, Derbyshire contends the issue has been blown out of proportion.
The controversial British-born conservative, who was fired from the prominent National Review magazine last April after writing a piece widely criticized as racist, begins his newest column by proposing that men and women learn better in a segregated environment.
Women, Derbyshire continues, are "strongly attracted to higher-status men," and military units in which men command women place human nature "under severe strain." The columnist also notes that men have innate urges "to break things and kill people," while women are "outliers" who are "eccentric:"As a designated victim group, they are especially susceptible to the associated pathologies, e.g., victim hoaxes for attention, spite, or cash reward.
Raw Story notes that Derbyshire's column comes at a tense time for those working to address the issue of military sexual assault. While some lawmakers believe more civilian oversight is needed, much of the top military brass has openly dismissed such a proposal.
In an effort to add their own two cents, many politicians and pundits like Derbyshire have attempted to add their own analysis of the problem. These varying theories have placed blame for the rise in assaults on everyone from women in combat units, to openly gay soldiers, to hormones run amok, to porn, The Week reports.
View this video to see John Derbyshire explaining the case against female suffrage.
Before we roll out of bed each morning, we can pretty much tell whether we're going to have a bad hair day. We've blamed the humidity, bad dye jobs or genetics (sorry, Mom and Dad!) for our frizzy strands and lackluster locks, but scientists are now trying to convince us that the fault may lie within our water pipes.
A study led by Proctor and Gamble published in the June 2013 issue of International Journal of Cosmetic Science concluded that copper in the water we use to shower and shampoo may be causing damage to our hair. Lead investigator Dr. Jennifer Marsh and her colleagues investigated the hair of over 300 individuals from nine countries, and they found that they had varying levels of copper in their strands. Some participants exhibited 500 atoms of copper for every million molecules in their hair, but the average was between 20 and 200 atoms per million, reports The Telegraph.
"Copper is not present in large amounts but it is important as it is catalytically active," explained Dr. Marsh. "The copper comes in from the tap water and the hair acts like a sponge picking it up over time." As a result, our hair cuticles weaken and this can lead to split ends, flyaways and dullness. The study also claims that these issues are more harmful for those with colored-treated hair.
While we're sure beauty giant P&G will use their research to create a collection of Pantene haircare products that will reverse the effects of copper, there are five things you can do now to prevent and fix the problem.Shampoo less frequently. Not only is this better for the environment and reducing your chances of fading hair color, but you can easily freshen up your locks in between washes with dry shampoo.
Invest in a water filter. Many bathroom pipes are made of copper or trickle in the harsh mineral via hot water tanks. A filter helps to keep it from passing through your water system.
Seal your strands with oil. Using olive or coconut oils as a pre-wash treatment is an effective way to restore hydration to dry, damaged hair.
Suds up with a clarifying shampoo. When the damage is already done, you can restore your locks to a healthier state by using a clarifying shampoo like Suave Naturals Daily Clarifying Shampoo to remove copper build-up.
Whip up a DIY rinse. An apple cider vinegar rinse is a homemade option to treat hair that's been exposed to copper. We also recommend doing a deep conditioning treatment once a week for added moisture.
Do you think this study on the effects of copper is all hype or helpful?
Well, at least we're not the only ones with bad hair days:
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If you're stressed at work on a daily basis, you're not alone: job-related stress in America is on the rise, with more than eight in 10 US workers saying that their jobs are stressing them out. Our unsustainable definition of success has created a culture of burnout, and it's taking a toll on our well-being, creativity, productivity and corporate bottom lines.
And when it comes to getting through each workday with less stress, changing the way we work may begin with changing the way we think about work. Reframing our perspective can play a significant roll in reducing tension and anxiety, according to Dr. Frank Ghinassi, associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh.
“Our emotions start with our interpretation of events," Ghinassi told the Huffington Post. "It’s not so much the facts that drive what we feel, it’s what we think about. It’s the cognitive interpretations we make about the events of our lives that ends up driving how we feel.”
Simple practices derived from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help. Unlike some other forms of therapy, CBT -- an effective type of treatment for depression and anxiety disorders, according to the National Institute of Mental Health -- focuses on a patient's thoughts and beliefs, rather than her actions.
If you're experiencing stress at work, try these five CBT-inspired strategies to bring new perspective to your day and reduce the tension, negativity, self-criticism that can keep you from doing your best and most fulfilling work.
1. Prioritizing & Letting Go
When daily tasks begin to pile up, our stress levels rise to meet the increasing demands. Pausing to prioritize these tasks and let go of those that are less important can be a powerful way of reducing stress, says Ghinassi.
“For many of us at work, we buy into the illusion that we are capable of doing all of the things that are asked of us in exactly the time frame we’re being asked," says Ghinassi. "The first step is to reassess, cognitively, what our capacity is.”
To start, create a list of the 10-15 things that you need to accomplish that day, and rate how critical each task is. Three or four of the tasks will probably be absolutely crucial, and at least four or five will be comparatively unimportant. Then comes the letting go part: Accept that those few items at the bottom of the list are not only unlikely to ever be completed in the course of the day, but the truth of the matter is, they may not need to be done at all. Cross those items off the list and focus your attention on the most important matters.
2. Building An Oasis
When you feel your attention wandering and your mind getting caught up in loops of worries and stressful thoughts,
stepping away from your desk can help you center yourself and regain your focus.
Ghinassi advises taking a quick break to "reset" yourself whenever you start feeling stressed, whether twice a day or as often as every 45 minutes. Try finding a quiet conference room, outdoor space, break room or stairwell where you can be alone and engage in one to four minutes of a calming exercise -- deep breathing, visualizing positive imagery, or listening to soothing music. (If you're not sure where to start, try choosing from one of these breathing exercises.)
3. Using Probability
The project is going to flop. My boss is going to kill me. I'm going to get fired. I won't be able to support my family.
Nearly all of us have been guilty, one time or another, of "catastrophizing" -- a type of thinking in which every perceived slip-up or failure leads to our downfall. In addition to stressing us out, this type of black-and-white thinking (either things will work out as we want them to, or everything will go horribly wrong) can lead to a sense of impending doom that probably isn't justified by the actual situation.
To keep these destructive thoughts at bay, Ghinassi suggests introducing probability into your thinking. When your mind starts spinning apocalyptic outcomes, ask yourself, “What’s the probability of something truly bad happening here?" In most cases, the probability will be very low. Then, once you've assessed the actual likelihood of a terrible outcome, ask yourself, “If there’s a one in 10 chance of the worst-case scenario happening, am I going to waste 30 minutes worrying about it? What do I feel that low-probability event deserves?"
When you frame it this way, Ghinassi explains, catastrophic thinking turns from a compulsion into a conscious choice. You have every right to worry about the situation for as long as you want, but the question becomes, is this the way you want to spend your time?
5. Mood Monitoring
This simple CBT exercise is an effective way to recognize and challenge negative thought patterns.
Gather a pen and piece of paper, and allot yourself exactly two minutes. During that time, make three columns on the paper. In the first, write down the stressful or upsetting event (“Monday at 2 pm: presentation to board members"). In the second, write down the feelings you're experiencing in single words (unprepared, anxious) and rate them between 1 and 100, with 100 being completely overwhelming. In the third column, spend the rest of the two minutes writing every thought that's going through your head.
Then fold the paper in half, and don't look at it again until 24 hours have passed. Once you've gotten out of that emotional headspace and have some distance from the situation, look back at what you wrote.
“I guarantee you that what you’re going to see are a lot of distorted, inaccurate, black-and-white, catastrophic thoughts," says Ghinassi. "We ask you to underline those and challenge them.”
The idea here is to recognize themes that come up again and again, to challenge the thoughts and words you use to describe stress-inducing situations, and to calibrate your emotional reactions to them.
5. Cognitive Flip
When you feel out of control in a situation, curb your stress levels by reminding yourself of what you can control. Ask yourself what concrete actions, small or large, you can take to improve a particular situation -- even if you feel powerless, you can always control at least your own reactions. Focusing on what's within your power will remind you that you do have the ability to shape your own outcomes.
What are your tips for reducing stress at work? Share your thoughts in the comments or tweet @HealthyLiving.
For the past three months, I've been participating in a Lean In circle, a small monthly meeting with a group of female peers in New York City who are all interested in professional support and advancement. We’re following the curriculum provided by Sheryl Sandberg’s nonprofit organization, Leanin.org, which is based around the ideas in her best-selling book about women in the workplace.
One topic that Sandberg’s book discusses in-depth is that women often don’t ask for raises or negotiate well for themselves. A 2011 study by Carnegie Mellon University found that men were four times more likely to ask for a pay raise than women. Women were more likely to wait until a promotion or assignment was offered, rather than asking for it in advance. I can definitely relate to this—I’ve always been incredibly nervous to ask for raises, and in the past when accepting new jobs, I’ve taken the first offer rather than negotiating for a higher salary.
Of course you would never tell her, “Wow, I was wondering why you’d gained weight!” -- right? But please, please, don’t say any of these things either …
Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost OWN on Facebook and Twitter .
By Candace Braun Davison
In those frazzled moments when you're dreaming of being abducted by aliens just so you can escape your life, these small joys can remind you that, hey, this place called Earth isn't so bad after all.
Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost OWN on Facebook and Twitter .
#1, The Secret of The Old Clock
Nancy finds a missing will in the back of an old clock, and sees a person die for the first time.
Like bunnies, humans need rest: especially after spending the morning sandwiched between meetings, spreadsheets, gossip, and starving for an actual sandwich. By the time we reach 2:55 p.m, we're fall-out-of-our-chair exhausted.
We’re all too familiar with the stats showcasing the uneven gender divide in the business world.
For instance, only 20 of the Fortune 500 CEOs are women. Women hold only 14% of executive positions, and just 16% of board seats. Women earn $0.77 for every dollar earned by men.
But with all the discussions about how to get more women in the upper echelons of the business world (thanks, Ms. Sandberg!), we wanted to hear some real-life stories of leaning in.
We spoke with five all-star women who have succeeded in traditionally male-dominated industries to hear their stories of climbing the mountain—and maybe glean some advice from how they made it to the top.
Rep. Michael Burgess (R-Texas) said Monday that abortion should be banned as early as 15 weeks after conception because he has witnessed male fetuses masturbate at that stage.
RH Reality Check first reported Burgess' comments, which came during a late-night House Rules Committee hearing on a GOP bill that would ban abortions starting at 20 weeks after conception.
"This is a subject that I do know something about,” said Burgess, a former OB/GYN. "There is no question in my mind that a baby at 20 weeks after conception can feel pain. The fact of the matter is, I argue with the chairman because I thought the date was far too late. We should be setting this at 15 weeks, 16 weeks."
"Watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby, and they have movements that are purposeful,” Burgess continued. “They stroke their face. If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. If they feel pleasure, why is it so hard to think that they could feel pain?"
The bill, called The Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act, is scheduled for a House vote later Tuesday.
Rep. Trent Franks (R-Ariz.), the bill's author, sparked outcry last week after saying he opposed an exception for rape victims in the bill because "the incidence of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low." Members of the House Rules Committee later, and quietly, added in exceptions to the bill for rape and incest victims. It's unclear who was behind the change. A spokesperson for Franks did not return a request for comment.
In honor of Pride Month, HuffPost Gay Voices is chatting with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) icons who have used social media to spread their messages.
Janet Mock is an award-winning writer, speaker and transgender advocate who has candidly shared her story and used her voice to advocate for those who are marginalized inside of the queer community.
The former editor of People.com has taken social media by storm and has built a space where transgender women can spread awareness and form heartfelt connections. She took some time out to talk to The Huffington Post about her growing platform and more.
The Huffington Post: Did you ever think that your “Girls Like Us” campaign would gain so much momentum because of social media?
Janet Mock: I didn't plan it to be that way. I think it just filled a void for space to proclaim who we are, share resources and broadcast our lives on our own terms and in our own words.
Do you plan on taking it beyond Twitter and social media? If so, how?
I want to do something for women of color in general, not just trans women. Also, it was created for all trans women, not just trans women of color. Although, sometimes it is proclaimed that way because I am a trans woman of color. So I would like to create something else beyond, "Girls Like Us."
I see other things already breaking off that have nothing to do with me, which excites me. It's a public space, I just happen to be the person that ignited it.
You’re a trans advocate and you help educate people via writing and speaking, but how exactly do you use social media to engage people about transgender issues?
There's not enough media images period. A lot of people don't have trans people in their lives. So I can be that person through Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc. They're getting educated just through exposure. Visibility is important.
I also find myself talking about the things that the media is not talking about. Everyone's talking about gay marriage. I'm not talking about it because there are so many people talking about it.
How do you feel that the trans community has progressed in the last 2-5 years? And where do you see it in the future?
We're getting a more diverse portrait of what the "T" means. It's not enough for the gay community to be like we're going on to trans issues. For trans people of color, it's not just about being trans. There's also a huge people of color issue in the LGBT community. I hope that the faces of the movement become more intersectional.
There has been an astounding number of trans women of color murdered recently. What do you think could be done to counteract this?
There needs to be more direct services to help transform these women's lives. Not just, "Here's some condoms." We can't say that we care about these women after they're dead, when we don't uplift them in their lives.
What can the LGBT community do to better understand trans and gender issues?
Taking the education onto yourself and figuring out what it is that you don't understand. It's that simple.
This year, you appeared on Melissa Harris Perry to discuss black women in the media. You’ve voiced that you’re not only just interested in trans issues. What other issues are you concerned about and would like to use your platform to shed light on?
I can't just talk about a singular issue because it does not exist in that way in real life.There's so many other parts of myself that I don't want to silence.
When I walk in the world, people see me as a black woman. Many don't know that I'm trans. So what does that mean? We have layered identities and I want to talk about that in a truthful way.
You’ve been recognized numerous times this year, such as an AD COLOR 2013 award honoree. What has been your most personally-impactful recognition or award?
The first one that I ever really got. It would have to be the Sylvia Rivera Law Project (SRLP). Sylvia Rivera is my hero.
You’re a huge Beyonce fan. What is it about her that draws you to her and if you had a chance to join her on stage as a back up dancer, which song would you chose to perform to?
I was 13 or 14 when I first saw her in "Bills, Bills, Bills." I grew up in Hawaii and there was nobody that looked like me. They [Destiny's Child] were like our Supremes. I feel like I grew up with her. If there was a song it would have to be something with Destiny's Child.
It's been 2 years since you wrote your essay about coming out as trans to your boyfriend and you've had a whirlwind year. What has changed the most in your life? Anything that you wish you could do differently or that you were totally unprepared for?
I wouldn't do a thing differently. My presence has increased, but the part that really changed my life is the real life connections that I have with trans women of color leaders around the country.
For more from Janet, follow her on Twitter and check out her website.
Another women's conference finds another predominantly female group of HR Directors seeking to improve the gender balance in their firms. In reality, women are working far too hard at an issue actually beyond their power to solve. Corporate leaders must recognize that additional women-dominated efforts are not the way to get companies to take the gender issue seriously. Rather, the solution requires action by those in leadership positions, still frustratingly rare, as hundreds of women at the recent JUMP Conference in Paris acknowledged.
How much longer must we witness the following scenario repeat itself?
A group of men who decide (or are told by government) that they need more women in their teams turn to the few women in senior roles and task them with finding a solution. The women, delighted with this glimmer of interest in their fate, duly throw themselves (in their free time, on top of their day jobs) into launching usually unfunded corporate women's networks and draft a business case on the corporate advantages of gender balance. A senior woman is put in charge and sent to every external conference as a corporate representative. This results in a women's conference with lots of motivational speakers and a few male 'champions' to encourage the girls. Sound familiar?
On the hundred-something first dates I’ve had, I’ve been taken to Burger King, the car wash, and an NA meeting; I’ve left after five minutes, cried after six drinks, and engaged in many unladylike things. But sex on a first date? No way. (Or rather, in the name of journalistic integrity, not that I can remember.)
I’m not sure why sexually liberated women like myself, and most of my friends — women who enjoy intercourse, who browse Coco de Mer, who talk about size and performance like weather and traffic — still live in this lame, antiquated fucking-on-the-first-date fear cave. Sure, there are many smart, justifiable reasons to wait (STDs, comfort zones, intimacy issues, etc.), but simply put, I think we don’t want to fuck it up by fucking fast. Experience has taught us women, more times than not, that sex-too-soon equals hungover regret, not long-lasting relationships. And that’s the thing: If we’re sleeping with a man, we probably/hopefully like him, and we want to see him again. (Of course, sometimes we do it for the fun, the thrill, or sheer physical need, but that’s not what this is about.) Alas, even if it’s not our rule, and not our world, why risk ruining everything?
A group of Russian women have completely out-girled HuffPost UK Lifestyle, by putting on their high heels and surfing (effortlessly) in a competition in Bali, Indonesia. We can barely run in high heels, let alone surf in them.
Not only do they surf flawlessly, but they look amazing and seem to be having a lot of fun - the video was uploaded by Vimeo user Anna_Lazar.
Considering California's annual Mavericks Invitational surfing competition doesn't allow women to take part because the director says "we're not there yet", we'd like to issue a challenge to the lads. If they can surf in high heels half as well as these women, then I think "we're there".
Over to you, ladies.
[H/T Tastefully Offensive]
We hope all brides and grooms have wonderful wedding day celebrations that go off without a hitch. But the reality is that even the best weddings are far from perfect.
On Monday, we asked our followers on Twitter and Facebook to reveal the one aspect of their wedding day that they wish they could redo. Click through the slideshow below to see their responses.
Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Weddings on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.
The White House issued a statement on Monday threatening to veto a House bill that would ban abortions in the United States after 20 weeks of pregnancy.
"Forty years ago, the Supreme Court affirmed a woman's constitutional right to privacy, including the right to choose," the administration said. "This bill is a direct challenge to Roe v. Wade and shows contempt for women's health and rights, the role doctors play in their patients' health care decisions, and the Constitution."
An all-male group of Republicans on the House Judiciary Committee earlier this month approved the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act, which bans abortions 20 weeks after fertilization unless the woman's life is in danger. Republicans rejected several amendments that would have added in exceptions for rape, incest, and health of the mother after Rep. Trent Franks (R-Ariz.) argued that "the incidence of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low."
Following controversy over the all-male panel and Franks' remark, Republican leadership on the House Rules Committee quietly added in rape and incest exceptions on Friday afternoon and put Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.) in charge of managing the floor debate in the House. The Rules Committee held a hearing on the bill Monday afternoon, where Judiciary chairman Bob Goodlatte (R-Va.) defended the votes against the rape and incest exceptions.
Republicans opposed them, Goodlatte said, "because these are late-term abortions, and therefore a woman experiencing a rape had many months to consider whether or not to get an abortion."
Goodlatte added that Republicans are now "content" with leadership's decision to amend the bill.
Democrats took issue with the new rape and incest exceptions because they require women to report the abuse to the police in order to have an abortion. The incest exception is also limited to women under the age of 18.
"They believe women are too dishonest to be believed when they state that they were raped," said Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-N.Y.). "That's a heck of an insult."
Rules Committee Ranking Member Louise Slaughter (D-N.Y.) slammed her Republican colleagues for advancing an abortion bill without women's input. "I think the American people are getting pretty disgusted with a goup of men in blue suits and red ties deciding what the women of America can do," she said.
The House is expected to vote on the bill Tuesday afternoon.
Could you imagine a workplace where nobody's in charge, you don't work your way up from a cubicle to the corner office, and employees vote on who gets promoted? The non-hierarchical "bossless office" is the new norm at several corporations hoping to create workplaces where their employees can be happier and more creative.
This (perhaps idealistic) vision of a "flexible workplace" is being put to the test at software design and development company Menlo Innovations in Ann Arbor, Mich., the subject of a recent New York Magazine feature by Matthew Shaer, "The Boss Stops Here."
"My impression was that people are happier, from what I could find, and the teams did move fluidly," Shaer told HuffPost Live.
But would this type of organizational structure actually be sustainable? One commenter on the New York Magazine piece ventures to guess that it would "turn into Lord of the Flies in most offices within a week."
Watch the video clip above and click here to view the full segment.
Astronaut wives were the "American royalty" of the 1960s, catapulted into the spotlight by their husbands, the Mercury Seven -- NASA's first astronauts.
But though they were seen smiling on the cover of "Life" magazine and drinking tea with Jackie Kennedy, things weren't always so peachy at home, says author Lily Koppel, who stopped by HuffPost Live on Monday to dish on her new book, The Astronaut Wives Club.
"There was very much a credo that the woman [I interviewed] have shared with me that was if you don't have a happy marriage, your husband is not going to have a space flight," she said. "So even when things weren't picture perfect at home, they had to look picture perfect on the cover of 'Life.'"
Also joining Koppel were several of the astronaut wives that she interviewed for her book. Sue Bean, the former wife of Alan Bean, said that her ex's missions took a toll on their marriage.
"After the lunar flight, I think sometimes the guys saw things a little bit differently. That type of experience can't help but change your outlook on the world, and we drifted apart," she said. "I became more independent and basically wanted him to not fly again. He flew two flights and backed up a third and I think that it probably wasn't a good idea to express my wishes because he loved doing what he did. There were other ladies that cared about him and I guess in the end it was more than our marriage could sustain."
Watch the clip above to hear more on what it's like being married to an astronaut.
Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Divorce on Facebook and Twitter.
Gail Becker: Gail Becker: Forget Money and Power — Escaping Your Comfort Zone, the New Measure of Success
The best career advice I ever received also turned out to be my own best measurement of personal success: "Get out of your comfort zone."
And so I did. In very short order, I took on a challenging new job responsibility, got divorced, started a blog and even revived my rather beige living room with two hot pink cowhide rugs (probably fodder for an entire blog of their own).
Perhaps, then, it's no surprise that when Arianna Huffington recently asked for a new metric of success beyond money and power, both of which can be limiting and short-sighted, I immediately thought of what's determined success in my own life and the lives of others I have witnessed: the willingness to make oneself uncomfortable.
Now before you giggle (or Google), consider this: Measuring success by the risks we take or the vulnerability we feel in daring to better ourselves -- or the world around us -- is a worthy ambition.
A recent Forbes article entitled, "Why Getting Comfortable with Discomfort is Crucial to Success," explains it like this:
Ten years from now there will be people who have achieved extraordinary success. While we don't know who they will be, one thing is sure -- they won't be people who have stayed inside their comfort zone. Rather, they will be people who have continued to stretch themselves, even when things are going smoothly, and who have been willing to risk failure or looking foolish, knowing that the biggest risk they take is not taking any risks at all... In our ever more cautious and competitive world... being willing to give up the familiarity of the known and embrace the discomfort that comes from being outside your comfort zone is increasingly crucial to your success in work and life.
Even Sheryl Sandberg, a woman known for living fearlessly, confesses in her book that she made herself leave her comfort zone: "Writing this book is not just me encouraging others to lean in. This is me leaning in. Writing this book is what I would do if I weren't afraid."
To further the point, @LeanIn recently asked its 217,000+ followers: What would you do if you weren't afraid? Here are just a few of the responses:
• "I would always stick up for what I believe in"
• "I would run for Congress"
• "I would be honest with my opinions rather than hide behind diplomatic smiles"
• "If I weren't afraid, I would put myself out there instead of being afraid I'm going to get rejected and sound stupid"
• "I'd dump my job to start a business doing what I love and also make time to write"
• "I would ask more questions and speak up"
Escape from your comfort zone doesn't have to be career-related. I recently encouraged a friend who is a stay-at-home mom who says "yes" to everything, often finding herself over-extended and frustrated, to say "no" more -- an uncomfortable phrase for her. Imagine my delight when I saw an email where she politely told others to handle it themselves. She sent me a note saying: "I'm inspired. I think I'll celebrate with a tall glass of wine!"
And there's a physiological reason behind her desire to celebrate. From Psychology Today: "Typically, remaining in the (comfort) zone contributes to feeling depressed, whereas moving beyond engages anxiety... Progress may be achieved by embracing the anxiety, which enables it to wither, as we expand beyond the constraints of the familiar zone. Remaining imprisoned within the familiar zone may be comfortable and familiar, yet it is stagnating."
My first job as a TV reporter was in Beaumont, TX -- a place I had never been and where I knew no one. I recall one assignment where I found myself in a field, staring down at a mangled, dead body while, unknowingly, standing atop of an ant hill -- the red ones! Let's just say that what began as an awful and uncomfortable memory has now become a recollection of a moment where I overcame my fear.
To all who may read this: I wish you a life filled with great success, health, happiness and, of course, a bit of money and power never hurts. But I also wish you a life of self-reflection, introspection and self-challenge. For as Benjamin Franklin once said, "without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning." How will you get out of your comfort zone today? Now go and do it...
Blog first appeared on www.edelman.com
This post is part of a series produced by The Huffington Post in conjunction with our women's conference, "The Third Metric: Redefining Success Beyond Money & Power" which will take place in New York on June 6, 2013. To read all of the posts in the series and learn more about the conference, click here. Join the conversation on Twitter #ThirdMetric.
We're often told to look on the bright side, see the glass half-full or fake a smile when we're going through a hard time and experiencing negative emotions. But as a recent, small study suggests, negative emotions like sadness and anger may also play a role in good health and well-being.
Turns out, ignoring, evading or making light of those feelings might not actually be good for mental health. According to an Olin College of Engineering study recently published in the journal Plos One, a mixed emotional experience is associated with and a precursor to improvements in well-being.
"We found that those participants who were making meaning out of their experiences with a mixture of happiness and sadness actually showed increases in their psychological well-being, compared to people who were just reporting sadness, just reporting happiness, or some other mixture of emotions," Jonathan Adler, assistant professor of psychology at Olin and one of the study's authors, told HuffPost Live. "It seems that there is something to be gained for your mental health in taking both the good and the bad together."
The researchers followed a group of subjects through the early stages of psychotherapy to examine their emotional expression and psychological welfare. They determined that those who expressed mixed emotions -- instead of pushing away the negative ones to focus on the positive -- showed the greatest increases in well-being.
The bottom line? We don't have to feel bad about feeling bad. It's possible to actually be okay with feeling unhappy, explains Jay Michaelson, author of "Evolving Dharma."
"It's relaxation of the mind that leads to the true happiness," Michaelson told HuffPost Live. "It's more about feeling a sense of ease with whatever arises, including feeling lousy sometimes."
Watch the video click above, and click here for seven tips for accepting and releasing negative emotions.
If we want our daughters and sons to enjoy a more integrated approach to professional and personal fulfillment, we must continue the conversations that invigorated the Third Metric conference.
I was honored to participate in the event's panel on managing a frenetic life. It's a topic I live every day as founder and chief marketing officer of fast-growing Angie's List and the married mom of three kids under 10. For their sake, and on behalf of all who struggle with our culture's current model of success, I want to keep talking about the need for a more sustainable and satisfying model.
Part of that means sharing what works in my own quest for happiness. Here are five of my top coping tips:
1. Be responsible for your priorities. Only you can know what you most want and need when it comes to making a job work with the whole of your life. I realize I have more control over my work schedule than many people, but it takes real effort to prioritize. Without active management, it won't work.
If attending one of my children's events is important to me, I need to do what I can to make it happen. Nobody will tap me on the shoulder during a meeting to say it's time to leave for my daughter's play. It's up to me to do what I can to make the most of my limited time and energy.
Of course, there are times when my desire to be with my family conflicts with a work obligation. But as often as possible, I stick to my goal of being home for dinner at 6 p.m. and being judicious and highly organized about business travel.
2. Be willing to ask for what you want and need. The fear of hearing "no" can keep many of us from voicing what we need at work and home. But I encourage you to summon the courage and do it anyway.
My co-panelist, Joanna Coles, editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan magazine, related how her disappointment in a boss' disapproval of her need to take time off for a family matter was a catalyst for leaving that job for one with more autonomy.
She may be right that the higher up on the corporate food chain a person is, the easier it is to adjust one's schedule for personal reasons. But I believe those of us in leadership positions can help others at every level by being more open about what we need to be successful. We can also do our part to shine a spotlight on the issue by sharing our own challenges and solutions.
3. Be OK with who you are and what works for you. My sometimes very public role with Angie's List is something I couldn't have imagined as an economics major in college. And I was surprised to learn that several of my famous co-panelists are, like me, introverted: Arianna Huffington, the actress Candice Bergen and television journalist George Stephanopoulos. Another, writer Susan Cain, has written a provocative book on the topic: Quiet: The Power of Introverts.
Being an introvert doesn't mean I can't effectively interact with others; it does require that I respect my need to counter times of intense interaction with periods of calm and relaxation. Being with my family is one of my top rejuvenators, even if three kids don't always provide the optimum environment for quiet reflection. Our style at home, though, is to keep life simple. As a family, we're not that outgoing, and that's fine by me.
4. Build fun into your day. One of my favorite ways to break up an especially hectic time at work is to attend one of my children's activities. In the weeks before leaving Indianapolis for the Third Metric and other New York meetings, I took time to chaperone a field trip and observe a class play.
Childhood is fleeting; I don't want to miss too many special -- and everyday -- moments. That doesn't diminish my commitment to making Angie's List the best it can be. If anything, it enhances my ability to be more focused and productive.
5. Give yourself a break. Many Third Metric speakers decried the perfectionism that leads some people, particularly women, to sabotage their well-being. Rather than being proud about working 24/7 and all the vacation we never got around to using, we should consider the ways insufficient sleep and rest hurt our work performance. All of us, at every level of business, need to get away and refresh occasionally. I've been known to tell direct reports that I expect to see their vacation on my calendar.
These five approaches help me manage an often hectic pace. What works for you? I appreciate that Arianna and Mika created a time and place to start this conversation, as well as a public space through which to amplify it. Let's keep talking about how to do better for ourselves right now. Coming generations will thank us.
This post is part of a series produced by The Huffington Post in conjunction with our women's conference, "The Third Metric: Redefining Success Beyond Money & Power" which will take place in New York on June 6, 2013. To read all of the posts in the series and learn more about the conference, click here. Join the conversation on Twitter #ThirdMetric.
On the last season of "True Blood," Pam finally became a maker, and while escaping the Authority headquarters, shared a steamy kiss with her progeny, Tara. This season, Pam's got to make time for Tara on top of her other complicated relationships, as her own maker Eric finally reveals that the friend he had in the Authority was his sister. Plus, there's the True Blood drink shortage, the Louisiana governor's war on vampires, and disputed rights to Fangtasia. What's a fashion-savvy bloodsucker to do? Kristin Bauer van Straten chatted with Vulture about shoplifting, modesty pouches, and the Pam-Tara sex scene we didn't get to see.
They say, "Do what you love, and you'll never have to work a day in your life," and I can't agree more. If I had pursued a career in singing, I guarantee that I would never work... simply because no one would hire me.
In elementary school, my parents bought me a karaoke machine for my room to appease my love for singing. I was told that I could sing until my heart was content, as long as my bedroom door was closed. In all my glory, I did just that -- I recorded myself singing Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey and Madonna, and I flew through stacks of blank cassette tapes.
Later in high school, I became obsessed with "American Idol." I would sing and have my friends rate my performance while I belted out falsetto after falsetto. My dear friend, Kevin, would listen to me and declare every time, "Lisa, Simon would yell."
Since no one seemed to enjoy my love for the art, I gravitated away from singing and became attracted to one hobby I happened to excel at: writing. My teachers encouraged that I attend writing conferences, and I constantly received positive feedback on my essays, especially my nonfiction ones, throughout college.
Now, at 27 years old, I make a living as a writer.
Being a writer isn't as romantic as it sounds, though. I'm not tucked away in a candle-lit cottage in a room of my own, sipping darjeeling tea while I dream up paragraph after paragraph. In fact, it's quite the opposite. My mind takes a beating whenever I want to transform what I'm thinking into a logical string of thoughts that someone else might and hopefully appreciate.
My path toward writing wasn't so easy, either. Three not-so-long years ago, I struggled to make a name for myself as a writer in hopes of testing out the gig as a full-time career. I simultaneously worked in publishing during the day, attended graduate school full-time during the evening and then wrote a daily health column for NBC at night. I went to sleep at 3 a.m. and woke up at 7 a.m., and drank around nine cups of black coffee a day.
I'm not going to lie: the schedule was miserable, and my personal life took a beating. I took power naps during lunch in my car at work, I barely showered and I never dated. I missed birthdays, baby showers and holidays. I learned which friends supported me and I learned which friends needed me for their own benefit. (That one hurt quite a bit.)
Even though there were several times I wanted to quit writing, that specific period challenged me and taught me how far I could really push myself. I was, and I'd like to think that I am, somewhat good at writing. So, I continued to capitalize on every opportunity available to me to stay one step ahead of the competition while I found my niche, and I earned my accomplishments.
While you could say that writing interests me, I'll tell you firsthand that I don't always love it because it's emotionally time-consuming. I've spent more than 18 hours on three-paged pieces I've had to trash, and there are times when I'm not mentally present because I'm running lines of copy through my head. When I've been on super tight deadlines, I've even eaten drive-thru fast food for breakfast, lunch and dinner... for weeks at a time. (#Dave Thomas? Your Wendy's chili is phenomenal for any meal of the day.)
Now, I write because performing well makes me feel good about myself. I enjoy interviewing individuals and listening to their stories, and learning tidbits like why Patch Adams has a disdain for the media. It's rewarding for me to be able to inform people while making them laugh by dropping in awkward jokes. All the while, I find it fascinating that diction and syntax can direct the tone and feel of a piece.
So, as graduates start hunting for jobs, I wonder what bit of advice would be the most honest and the most beneficial to them. If you were like me as a graduate, finding what you love and finding what you're good at is an almost impossible match. Sure, I knew that I had to work hard and I never expected a corner office with a view. But, I thought that my dogged determination would lead me to a job that I immediately loved, not down a career path that made me question if I made the right decision.
For this reason, I have to wonder if we should continue to tell those forging an identity and a fledgling career to pursue what they love. I'm not too sure if that's realistic. Instead, should we tell them to pursue what they're good at? Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think that piece of advice would be any less rewarding.
When I'm a parent one day, I'm going to tell my children what I tell new graduates now, which is to love to work and to push through the times when you don't love it. Nowadays, work is a concept society just doesn't get -- that it's a privilege to work toward bigger and better goals, and to eventually earn your career.
I can't tell you how many times I've read that in the past month. While Angelina Jolie may have more advantages than most of us, the biggest advantage she had was not money, but access to people who provided her with good information about her options. This post is not going to be emotional, personal, sexy or funny. I just need to "bust" some myths about who pays for what when it comes to genetic testing, preventive surgery and breast reconstruction for high-risk women in the U.S.... before I start busting heads.
Genetic Testing. You've heard it costs $5,000. You've heard insurance won't pay for it. What are you supposed to do if you're not Ms. Moneybags? In fact, the cost varies quite a lot (I knew my mother's BRCA status, so I didn't need the full test. It was more like $500) and most insurance WILL pay for it -- even Medicaid in many states -- as long as you meet certain risk criteria. Medicare generally doesn't cover testing unless you've had cancer. It gets confusing -- even for the experts. A genetic counselor is your best start if you're worried. Financial assistance is also available through various organizations -- even Myriad Labs, the company responsible for the high cost of the test in the first place. Some people have asked me about 23andme.com which offers an at-home DNA spit test that includes the three most common BRCA mutations for $99. It may be useful in certain very specific situations, but please don't rely on it. The results are hard to interpret and may lead to false security or needless worry. It's no substitute for seeing a genetic counselor.
Pre-existing Conditions. Occasionally, an insurance company will claim if you have the genetic test and it's positive, you might not be covered if you develop cancer later, as it would be a pre-existing condition. Not true. GINA (The Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act of 2008) prohibits discrimination in health coverage and employment due to genetic information. It's Federal law. HIPAA protects you as well.
Preventive Surgery. Not everyone with the BRCA mutation chooses surgery, but if you've decided it's the right path for you, you have options even if you're not Angelina Jolie. Again, most insurance, including Medicaid, will cover preventive surgery (mastectomy, oophorectomy/hysterectomy) if you're high risk. Even if you don't have cancer. Medicare has come through in some cases, but again, it's iffy. If your insurer pushes back, seek allies. The right doctor is crucial. Not all doctors fully understand the risks of BRCA. Be your own advocate -- arm yourself with facts, not rumors or conspiracy theories.
Breast Reconstruction. Many people assume that reconstruction after mastectomy is elective or cosmetic, and therefore not covered. Not true. According to the Women's Health and Cancer Rights Act of 1998 (WHCRA) your insurance must pay for reconstruction after mastectomy. Even if you didn't have cancer, if you or your employer changed insurance companies between mastectomy and reconstruction or if it's been years since your mastectomy. There are also assistance programs. Check out MyHopeChest.org, for one. If you want reconstruction, it's available to you. There is nothing frivolous, vain or shameful about wanting to feel like yourself. Even the Feds agree. If you choose NOT to go for reconstruction, insurance will pay for bras and prostheses. If you have reconstruction on one side, insurance covers making your other breast match.
For the most complete information about your options, I recommend FORCE (Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered). You'll find resources, help, a community of support and more straight dope than I could cram into one post.
Next time I'll share a personal story that'll knock your socks off (and maybe the rest of your clothes too).
Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend -- her mother is. Who else will love a girl unconditionally, despite her bad perms and distressed denim and occasionally difficult behavior?
In honor of Mom's patience and style prowess, we'd like to highlight all the ways shopping with your mom is way better than shopping solo, or even with your girlfriends.
1. She picks up the bill.
2. She's up to date on sales and promotions.
3. She isn't afraid to give you honest feedback.
4. She's good at figuring out what shoes will go with that dress.
5. No modesty in the fitting room -- this woman used to bathe you.
6. She often spots new trends she already owns "vintage" versions of.
7. You can convince her to try something on she might not have otherwise, making her feel cooler.
8. No matter how much time you spend trying on, she never rushes you.
9. She can sound off on how professionally appropriate (or inappropriate) that outfit is.
10. It's the best time to girl talk.
Any perks we missed? Tell us in the comments!
We bet these duos shop together:
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As I was sitting at my gate waiting for my plane in the Kabul airport, I was a bit conflicted about returning home. Personally, I had found Afghanistan to be challenging. I was constantly covering up, restricting my movements, keeping my eyes averted, being deferential. I was self-censoring in every way so as not to offend anyone. I found it a bit suffocating.
On the other hand, my trip had allowed me to meet with dozens of women and see many programs all working to ensure human rights, women's empowerment and safety from some of the most brutal domestic violence I'd ever encountered. I was humbled by the ongoing struggle of these advocates to create change in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds. Yet most everyone I met appeared to have a deep sense of optimism and commitment to seeing it through, even those who have been doing this work for decades in a country that has been at war, in one way or another, for 30-plus years.
It inspired me in a way I hadn't been inspired by the movement to eliminate violence against women in the U.S. for years. I was ambivalent about coming home, where it seems that, even though we are steeped in laws, funding and research which all support work providing safe housing and services for victims of violence, we still can't manage to end the violence. So I couldn't help but ask myself: In a country where we have it so good, why haven't we been able to do this?
And why, when the women in Kabul are so hopeful, was I -- and so many others like me -- so burnt out from the work?
It occurred to me that there's a fundamental difference between our two countries: Survivors in the U.S. have, and expect, options when they leave violent homes to restart their lives. Women in Afghanistan are dismally uninformed of even the precious few options available to them after they are forced from violent homes.
It's those expectations that make the true difference. In Afghanistan, there is no expectation that women will have a safe place to return home to, nor is there a presumption that shelters will even exist much beyond 2014. There is no expectation that the laws that protect women from abuse will continue to be enforced or will even be enforceable after a new president takes office. The advocates in Afghanistan are doing their work in the absence of any expectation of stable resources and support.
In the U.S., we have the expectation that we are all entitled to protection from abuse and that our justice system will, for the most part, help provide safety from violence. We assume that shelters and other housing programs for survivors will remain in force for many years to come. We expect that survivors can establish new, independent homes after leaving abusive situations.
However, even in the United States, we still don't have sufficient resources, programs or policies in place to meet what we've come to expect -- not enough to meet the need, at least. Funding is becoming more difficult to sustain programs; safe, affordable housing is increasingly less available; and violence still persists, despite the many laws to eradicate it. Indeed, our own Federal Violence Against Women Act, which had enjoyed near-universal support since 1994, came under attack by lawmakers for the first time ever last year during its re-authorization.
So, in a country where we have reason to believe there are resources and alternatives to ensure safety for victims, those resources are becoming scarcer and more uncertain, demand for services has increased as the public becomes better informed and programs struggle to meet an ever-growing, under-resourced need. Women and other victims in our country have been led to expect services to help them find safety and establish new homes -- a need which can't be fully met.
Even when women in Afghanistan do manage to escape domestic violence and make it to a shelter, that doesn't mean there's a happy ending. Because the options for them are so limited from that point on, women are often in an indefinite state of limbo, stuck in shelters with literally no place to go.
Ironically, that's becoming the case for many of the women in DASH's housing and in other shelter programs, where women come expecting help to find permanent, affordable housing where they can re-establish their lives and families safe from abuse. However, that's often not the case either due to a huge shortage of affordable housing, as well as living-wage employment options.
But we still hang on to our expectations. We still want that happy ending.
I realized, upon returning from Kabul, that to do anything less than demand that our expectations be fulfilled is woefully inadequate. We need to work hard now, both to give survivors full access to the multitude of options currently available to them as well as to make sure that those options remain and, yes, expand to meet the need. And we have to ensure that those options remain just that -- choices to be selected from, not mandates to fulfill. Until everyone can safely get what they need to determine the course of their own lives, we have not ensured full human rights in this country.
I believe we have something to learn from the women in Afghanistan. Their tenacity and optimism in the face of entrenched opposition is remarkable. Working within their cultural context, they are making incredible strides to create safety and options for women and girls. Their genuine commitment to building a better country is like a breath of fresh air.
Because the climate in Kabul is so dry and dusty, I ended up developing a common lung irritation known as "Kabul cough." As I waited for my plane to be called at the airport, struggling a bit to breathe, it occurred to me that Kabul had been suffocating in more ways than one. But the advocates in Afghanistan seem to have a greater lung capacity than I do.
I think we owe it to them, to survivors of violence -- really, to ourselves and our country -- to make it easier to breathe knowing that we can justifiably expect safety, resources and the right to live freely and independently. Everyone deserves that much.
I feel like my husband is not sexually attracted to me and I know it’s not because he's cheating. I am a newlywed but it feel like we have been married for years, even though it’s only been seven months.
We have both been stressed about financial issues. It really bothers him that he can't give me the world and that we didn't get a honeymoon, but I have told him I'm okay as long as we work through this together.
As the financial issues bother him more and more, the sex fades. He can go weeks and sometimes months without touching me. I'm constantly asking for sex. I feel as if I'm putting too much pressure on him, so I have stopped asking, but I'm not happy.
I love my husband and I know he is stressed about not being able to provide for the family but how do I get him interested? I'm tired of feeling unwanted.
Victoria’s Secret promotes such an unrealistic body image for women that a group of regular sized people decided to strip down to just their ...
What's wrong with this picture? And whose business is it, anyway?
Those questions have had Boing Boing founder Mark Frauenfelder -- and others following his story -- scratching their heads since he tweeted and blogged about it on Sunday.
LAX #TSA officer humiliated my daughter, flying without us. Told her "You're only 15! Cover yourself up!" pic.twitter.com/u0HyhsDt28— Mark Frauenfelder (@Frauenfelder) June 16, 2013
The image shows Frauenfelder's 15-year-old daughter, who was allegedly "humiliated and shamed" for her outfit by a TSA official at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX).
Frauenfelder wrote on Boing Boing that he hadn't witnessed the event himself -- his daughter was "on a college tour" with other high schoolers at the time -- but heard about it from her via text message.
"[S]he was at the station where the TSA checks IDs," he wrote. "She said the officer was 'glaring' at her and mumbling. She said, 'Excuse me?' and he said, 'You're only 15, COVER YOURSELF!' in a hostile tone."
Click over to Boing Boing to read Frauenfelder's full post.
According to a tweet from Boing Boing, two of the teen's friends also witnessed the incident.
Maureen Herman, former bassist from Babes in Toyland who is now executive director of Project Noise and a friend of Frauenfelder, wrote on a blog devoted to activism for women's reproductive rights:This may not seem like a big deal. To Mark it’s a big deal. To his daughter it’s a big deal. To us, things like this need to matter, because they inject shame (or try to) in a young woman who is just living her life, going to check out colleges, and throws on the first of what will unfortunately be many layers of sexism she will encounter in her life.
Responding to followers on Twitter, Frauenfelder said the alleged comments "came as a shock" to his daughter, writing, "Many adults would also be stunned into silence by [the TSA officer's] creepy sexist abuse."
The incident is reminiscent of a story that went viral last year, involving a 14-year-old student, Ema Parker, who was brought to her school's front office for violating the dress code. As he related on his own blog and on HuffPost, Ema's father was called to the school, only to find an outfit that seemed completely appropriate to him.
Parker's situation was different. There were school rules involved -- but like Frauenfelder, Ema's dad questioned the motives of a principal who had pointed out the apparent problem with his daughter's skirt:How could I be so blind as to have missed the fact that my daughter was dressed as a harlot, and presented a danger to all the boys in the school? ...
I began to think: "Luckily the school administration can look at her and see her as a provocative female," but then I thought... no... that is extremely creepy. I tried to think: "Luckily the school administration can look at her though the eyes of hormone-addled teenage boys to see her as provocative," but then I thought... no... that is weird-creepy.
Frauenfelder seems satisfied, after a meeting he and his wife had with the TSA, that "they are taking this seriously" so far (he says they have opened an investigation).
The Huffington Post reached out to the TSA for comment, but has not yet received an official response.
Fashion can come to us straight off the runways in Paris, Milan, and New York or percolate up from the street, but some of the most recognizable dresses of the last hundred years have been disseminated, if not originated, via pop culture.
The combination of stunning clothes and strong characters can result in iconic garments that persist in our collective consciousness for years, giving them a staying power well past that of most high-fashion trends.
In my book The Hundred Dresses, a field guide to dress archetypes, I include more than a dozen iconic dresses from pop culture. Here are a few of my favorites:
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Helen Brush Jenkins, a pioneering photojournalist who made Life magazine when she snapped a photo of her child moments after giving birth, has died. She was 94.
Her daughter, Genji Leclair, tells the Los Angeles Times (http://lat.ms/12AOu1z ) that Jenkins died Wednesday at her home in Chicago, days after suffering a stroke.
Jenkins became a photographer for the now-defunct Daily News in Los Angeles in the 1940s at a time when few women held such jobs.
Over more than a dozen years, she snapped first lady Eleanor Roosevelt, President Harry Truman and stars such as Charlie Chaplin, Clark Gable and John Wayne.
In 1953, Life magazine printed a photo Jenkins took of her newborn son, Gilmer, just after giving birth.
Information from: Los Angeles Times, http://www.latimes.com
Related: VSX SPORT COLLECTION, Victoria's Secret, Candice Swanepoel The beautiful Angel, Candice Swanepoel, is choosen as the face of the VSX Sexy
The latter half of my high school junior year had been an Advil-aided blur. After three months dangling from a 2,400-point rope, I swam through pools of answer bubbles, DBQs, and rhetorical analysis essays, holding my breath for four hours each with only one, 10-minute break. And then I shoved my nose into a unit circle while logarithms devoured the Z's emerging from my temple.
I'd spent this time infusing vital -- and not so vital -- data into my head during every free period and lunchtime. It was not uncommon for me to study late into the night. This behavior was described with words such as "dedication" and perseverance" and "studiousness." The words "stressed," "sleep-deprived," and "manic" were seldom uttered.
Once I had triumphantly set my pencil down after my last final exam, my alarm clock rang at 5 a.m. the next morning, and I was whisked from Los Angeles to a conference in New York promoting a healthy, restful lifestyle.
While I had glanced through the headlines of HuffPost's dedicate Third Metric page during the weeks leading up to the conference, school had held my attention hostage. My expectations of the conference were nearly nonexistent, but I did have a back-of-the-mind vision of a family-and-happiness-are-more-important-than-money-and-power premise. I should have known conference hosts Huffington Post founder Arianna Huffington and "Morning Joe" co-host Mika Brzezinski were one step ahead. The conference they had created focused on "redefining success beyond money and power," but it was clear early on that for the most part, the guests -- like the hosts -- had already done that.
They defined the "Third Metric" as embracing a healthy coexistence of one's work life and one's personal life. I heard how Mayor Richard Daley once let White House advisor Valerie Jarrett leave work early for her daughter's Halloween parade. As I listened to a CEO describe how she once blasted Teddy Pendergrass's "Wake Up Everybody" on a slow work day, I envisioned how my own creativity might spark in such an environment. I learned from actresses, executives, and neurosurgeons alike that rest and well-being are just as dependent on success as success is dependent on rest and well-being.
Here I was in New York, a mere 48 hours after I had been sitting in a school hallway, cramming Pythagorean identities into my head, and energy bars into my mouth before my final exam. But now, I was listening to Arianna speak of her own office's nap rooms and guided breathing exercise breaks led by Joan Witkowski. I suddenly came to two conclusions: First, that if I had known about the power of relaxation months before, academic labyrinth might have been more easily traversed. Second? Try to work for Arianna Huffington. Or someone like her. Third, I realized that, as the youngest attendee, my role in the evolution of the workplace that the Third Metric strives to propagate is to bring what I learned into each collaboration in whatever career my future brings me. And if I do, perhaps I'll be able to provide the same guidance to a stressed-out high school junior that Arianna and Mika gave to me.
CANNES - "Women around the world really are making huge use of digital media in every way," says feminist activist Gloria Steinem.
With the growth of digital media, the message of the women's movement is able to be spread more and more, particularly with the creation of MAKERS.com - a digital platform focused on telling the stories of "trailblazing women".
When the women's movement started, Steinem says there was no way for women to go to a newsstand and get the latest news on the movement, so she started what she calls her "biggest media effort" - Ms. magazine.
Beet.TV spoke with Steinem at the Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity.
Were astronauts' wives the Kardashians of the 1960s? Sort of, says one journalist.
Lily Koppel, the author of The Astronaut's Wives Club, joined Ricky Camilleri on HuffPost Live this week to discuss how astronauts' wives were America's first reality TV stars.
According to Koppel, astronauts' spouses went from being unknown military wives to Life magazine cover stars, and were under immense pressure to have "everything together on the home front."
"You had to have a perfect marriage, you had to have an exemplary family life, and I don't think you could share a lot of the brutal honesties that we see our reality starts today sharing," Koppel said.
Watch the full HuffPost Live segment here for more on these women's important roles.
CANNES - Launched in February 2012, MAKERS.com - a digital platform dedicating to telling the stories of the "trailblazing women" and a joint initiative by AOL and PBS - sees 1.5 million visitors a month, and 48 percent are men, says executive producer and founder of MAKERS.com Dyllan McGee.
Beet.TV spoke to McGee at the Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity.
Wanting to create a film but discovering the scope of these stories, McGee said she and her fellow executive producer Peter Kunhardt decided to launch a large, ongoing web initiative and work backwards to create the film, showcasing nearly 200 videos online and then selecting the best ones for use in the film. The documentary, MAKERS: Women Who Make America, was released in February 2013.
This is a screenshot of one of my Facetime calls with Chase. When I called, Craig had to go outside and pass the phone to Chase in a tree. Chase was hanging out in a tree. I was hanging out in Times Square in my pajamas with Sister. I held the phone into the air to show Chase the NYC beautiful chaos and he held the phone up to show me a worm. And yes, I'm crying a little. Chase in a tree makes me cry. Kairos.
I've been sick for a few days now, and these times are always hard on my family. When I'm Lymie I get snippy and critical and dramatic (I know that one's hard to believe). I'm really just no fun at all.
Yesterday, I finally pulled Chase into his room and we lay down together on his bed. I said, "Listen, buddy. I know I've been kind of mean lately."
Chase didn't argue with that, so I went on.
"I haven't been a perfect mom. I'm sorry. I'm going to keep messing up this summer, but just know that I love you. I love you so much, and I'm so proud of you."
Chase stared at the ceiling silently for a while and I thought, Oh, crap, this time I've pushed the boy too far. But then he said, "Listen, mom. It's okay that you're not perfect. Nobody's perfect. You know, when you're not perfect, I remember that I don't have to be perfect, either. It's a relief sometimes."AND ALL GOD'S MAMAS SAID..............BA-BAM!! DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED THERE?
He gets it. He gets all of it. He GETS that when we quit being perfect, everybody else can quit being perfect too, and we can all just be human beings together. AND HE GETS THAT THIS IS A BIG, FAT RELIEF!!!
HOLY MOSES. CHASE HAS PROVEN -- ONCE AND FOREVER -- THAT SUB-PAR PARENTING IS A PARENTING STRATEGY, PEOPLE. ARE YOU GRASPING THE MAGNITUDE OF THIS?
Now if you'll excuse me, I must go take a nap so that my kids will understand that they, too, should feel empowered to take naps.
Lead By Example, Friends. Lead By Example.
Love -- SUPERMOM
Ke$ha may be famous for over-sharing but she has finally decided on her limit. While on WBLI's "Syke'd," the host asked her if there's anything in her life that's actually off-limits that she wouldn't allow to be videotaped. This was her response ...
"Not much, like I've just thought about it and, I mean, like maybe when I like change a tampon."
The host then gave some incredibly awkward laughter and said, "OK. Alright. I'm glad that's off-limits," while shifting uncomfortably on the couch. Ke$ha played it cool as always.
By Jenny Bailly
Reverse the signs of aging with these standout skincare products and treatments that really work.